Posted by: lool | 2009-09-07


dear doctor,i am a lady of 27yrs,i m married,i cheated on my husband due to dissatisfaction but not sexualy,the guy i cheated on died two months later after having affair with me,he was rumoured to be hiv +,i m not worried because we used condom all the time we had sex,five months after that guy died,i tested twice at 3,and 5 months and the it is hiv -,so my worry now is that i cant have sex drive with my husband that i really love now,because i m jsut scared in me,i never thought i will meet hiv + person,now that i met him,i even slept with but i didnt know his status then,i know i passed the 3months mark and tested negative due to usage of condom,but i feel uncomfortable having sex its more like i was raped,so how can you help me regain my sexual appetite again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Hi Lool

your problem lies in guilt on the one hand and on the other hand the small ongoing fear that it might not be OK with your status _ although you say that you feel ok about it. These problems cannot be resolved ona forum such as this one - you need to see a therapist to work through the issues - But dont worry - all these things can be resolved Please call our helpline for a referral to a practitioner in your area - 0860 100 262

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Tom cat | 2009-09-08

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, the bottom line is people outside of your marriage will only bring problems than anything else, what would have happened had you picked up HIV from this man? would you have apologised to your man for making him sick becoz you can' t keep you panties on? lesson my foot you need to learn to keep you panties on before running to us for advice.

Reply to Tom cat
Posted by: lool | 2009-09-08

Thank you ,i will have to work out my marriage and stay faithfull for the rest of ny life,it not right to cheat,and i have made an appointment with the Phycologist we will go through this fears,many people out there sleep with hiv + who looks healthy no symptoms,without knowing but with protection u can save yourself.i leared a lesson i will not exchange for anything.please stay faithfull to your partners,i have an experience that scared me for life,and resolve your issues dont run for comfort to any men or was my first and last.

Reply to lool
Posted by: BABY | 2009-09-07

I think she is right coz most hiv people sleep around knowing their status ,you mit find out that the guy she sleeped with knew the status ,but people out there are not as mercyfoll as we think i understant her very well ,

Reply to BABY
Posted by: Guilt | 2009-09-07

No!, jou have to carry your guilt with you, do not burden your faithful husband with your selfish behavour. Just absolving yourself will not improve anything in your relationship, with your guilt you might be driven to work on your marrage.

Reply to Guilt
Posted by: woman | 2009-09-07

You are feeling guilty because you cheated on your husband. You had a HUGE fright because you thought you might be HIV+. taht will pretty much kill any one' s sex drive.

You HAVE NOT been raped. You are very very stupid (i tried for another word and couldn' t find one in my vocabulary, sorry) for even trying to equate a free choice you made with one where a woman did not have a choice in having sex. Shame on you!!!

Shame on you for cheating and shame on you for ridiculing women who have been raped.

You are in this mess because of your own choices. You will get your sex drive back when you are honest with your husband. Here' s what you say:"  I love you, but I cheated on you with an HIV+ man. I thought I might have picked up the virus, but the window period has passed. I still love you and want to make our marriage work. What do you need me to do for you to trust me again?" 

Not easy, but the only way.

Reply to woman
Posted by: lool | 2009-09-07

for sure i didnt write it correct,i didnt know he was hiv +,i found out when he died,rumours basically,i know it was wrong and i regret it,hence i learned to be appreciative of what i have,i thank God i insisted on condom,i even tested negative for hiv,now i want to move on with my life,it was temptations,and a lesson,i m so remorseful,so if there is anyone there who can help me bring back my mind back to normal and enjoy sex with my husband.

Reply to lool
Posted by: anon | 2009-09-07

you shouldnt use the term " having sex its more like i was raped" should have thought about it before cheating on your husband and even worse is to know the person you are sleeping with HIV you want to act like you have been raped cause you feel guilty, i think its pathetic and slutty

Reply to anon

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