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Question
Posted by: noni | 2010/05/03

his surpose son

i have a boyfrend for 4years,i found out in the first two yrs that he has a son with somebdy else and when i ask him did he keep it a secret from me? He says it is because he is not sure whether the child is his or not because of how they broke up. And he took it further by asking the lady to go do the necessary tests so that he knows and they agreed he went and pay for those tests and they took his blood and the lady was not there she had excuses and they set a date so that she can go and the child but she never went there. and she was quite for six months not contacting my man and he would go at her place to ask if she went there or not they would say she is not there and he once phoned her and she said she is busy but she''ll go the following week but she never did until last year December they sent someone at his work to tell him that the lady died,when he ask when did she die they say last week.

But now they call him to take care of this child. i told him that if he takes care of that child i am moving out becasue according to me its obvious that the child is not his but he so desperade to have a boy child he agrees to that arrangement done by his mom and the ladys family. Pleas tell me if iam being selfish or not by ending our relationship because of that but now my insticts tells me that is not his child. He asks me how is he going to prove that the child is not his, he says until he can prove that is his.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If there is an issue of paternity, it is highly suspicous that the woman pretended to agree to the testing, and then avoided enabling it to happen. It sounds highly unlikely that the child is his - if the woman died of AIDS, and knew she was HIV positive, she would, if it was his child, surely have been keen to get the testing done to prove it was his child, so as to protect her child be seing that he would adopt it when she died. That she avoided the testing so carefully, strongly suggests that she knew the child was not his.
Its very sad that the poor child, who is not responsible for its mother's bad judgment, is going to suffer the efects of her unwise actions. He surely ought to get blood testing done on the child, to check whether this is indeed his child. Whether or not it is his child, he will need to decide what he wants to do on the issue of whether or not he will take care of the child from now on.
He must know that testing himself and the child, especially with modern methods should be able to clarify the question.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: I think | 2010/05/04

Why does he want to take care of a child that is not his? i think deep downhe knows is his child..I believe he can still do the DNA test now to prove the partenity of the child, the mother doesnt have to be there for the test.

Reply to I think
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/03

If there is an issue of paternity, it is highly suspicous that the woman pretended to agree to the testing, and then avoided enabling it to happen. It sounds highly unlikely that the child is his - if the woman died of AIDS, and knew she was HIV positive, she would, if it was his child, surely have been keen to get the testing done to prove it was his child, so as to protect her child be seing that he would adopt it when she died. That she avoided the testing so carefully, strongly suggests that she knew the child was not his.
Its very sad that the poor child, who is not responsible for its mother's bad judgment, is going to suffer the efects of her unwise actions. He surely ought to get blood testing done on the child, to check whether this is indeed his child. Whether or not it is his child, he will need to decide what he wants to do on the issue of whether or not he will take care of the child from now on.
He must know that testing himself and the child, especially with modern methods should be able to clarify the question.

Reply to cybershrink

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