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Posted by: nn | 2009-10-19

his jealousy is driving me crazy!!!!!

I have been seeing a guy for 6 weeks now. He is 41 and I am 25. He is recently divorced. He was with his ex wife for 22 years. They divorced because she cheated on him and left him for him another man. He took her back twice and she just kept on going back to this other guy. He is not all that innocent either as he cheated on his ex wife 2 years ago but then told her about it and stopped the affair immediately. From what he and family members tell me –  the ex wife was very jealous –  so jealous that she would attack my bf if he even glanced at another woman. My problem right now is that my bf is now very jealous of me. I cannot even look at another guy, talk to any of my male friends –  I cannot even go to the shop with his cousin to buy some coldrink and he thinks I am up to something. Two weekends ago he even went through my Cellphone and cross questioned me about my messages. I had nothing to hide but I feel like my privacy and trust have been broken. I do not mean to blow my own horn but I am good looking and have a lot of male friends. But I really do like this guy and I will never think of messing me around. He says that he does not know me and that is why he is like he is. How will he ever get to know me if he is going to mistrust me all the time??? I feel that what his ex has done to me –  I am paying for it. I really do like this guy but I actually give him no reason to mistrust me and yet he goes totally off the walls with me and accusing me of silly things.
I do not know what to do!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Beware of ANY relationship formed on the rebound, and soon after either partner has broken up qwith a previous relationship or marriage. They rarely work, and can lead to various problems.
It's not at all surprising that having had such problems with jealousy and cheating between himself and his ex, you have already experienced similar problems with him. These are unlikely to improve.
To deal with his insecurities would require a long period of herapy or counselling, and meanwhile they would play an unpleasant role in your relationship, and it doesn't sound as though he is really ready to sort this out yet.
Rather move on and find someone who doesn't arive carrying so much emotional baggage

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mymy | 2009-10-19

Run I was in that BOAT ones, he said he is 45 and i was 33then. He ended up saying i was sleeping with his son tht is the reason he left me cause i' m a B' tch, when friend and some relatives asked him. he would check the towels if he goes to the shps and check me (u know where)

One of his cuz called and wanted to know from me the real reason an i told him. All that he/she said was that he is VERY CRUEL he/she felt sorry the 1st time he saw me wanting to know ho in the WORLD a girl like me nds up with a man like that.

RUNNNNNNNN. he will call hurras u and finaly give up. Mine called me around 12 at night and demamded i tell him I LOVE HIM if not I' m sleepingwith a man LOl!

Reply to Mymy
Posted by: Woman | 2009-10-19

Erm, sorry to break the news to you, but you' re his rebound relationship. Rebound relationships are those relationships you get yourself into after a long relationship ended. he is still behaving in the same way he did with his wife. Maybe the shock value of " my name is (your name) and not (the x' es name)!!!" 

If he freaks out because of that, please leave - and quickly!! You are lucky, you have a choice, you don' t have to pay for someone else' s wrongs, I do suggest you think very seriously about what you want from this guy, and whether you still want to put up with crap like this in 15 years time. (when, btw, you' ll only be 39 and he' ll be 57 - close to retiring)

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Really | 2009-10-19

Jip, You need to move on and move on fast... he recently just divorced and it seems as though he is not yet over his ex... or is it his soon to be ex wife, he is jealous, going through your phone and having the guts to question you about your messages, gal, that is just damn rude....

You are still young, and even though age shouldn' t be a problem, you will meet other men that are sweet, able and wiling to love you better. You deserve better. I doubt that even counciling can help this relationship!

All the best!

Reply to Really
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-10-19

This relationship is new and going nowhere. Move on, find someone young and more secure with himself. Why waste your life on an insecure middle aged man? End it while its still new and that way you can save yourself some heartache.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-10-19

Beware of ANY relationship formed on the rebound, and soon after either partner has broken up qwith a previous relationship or marriage. They rarely work, and can lead to various problems.
It's not at all surprising that having had such problems with jealousy and cheating between himself and his ex, you have already experienced similar problems with him. These are unlikely to improve.
To deal with his insecurities would require a long period of herapy or counselling, and meanwhile they would play an unpleasant role in your relationship, and it doesn't sound as though he is really ready to sort this out yet.
Rather move on and find someone who doesn't arive carrying so much emotional baggage

Reply to cybershrink

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