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Question
Posted by: H | 2011/01/13

hi

hi Dr
im 31yrs old married and have two kids, my mother has dominated me all my life, i do work at the same company as her, and she still trys to control my life and kids, i have been to a psycologist last year and she says that my mother feels she has the right to manage my life, she focusses on only the negative she says things like i am so moody etc, and she always puts her point across, i am a person who cannot hurt anyones feelings, and try to keep calm so there is no arguments, as i cant handle all this, she is driving me insane how do i get out of this situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Pity that she works in the same company giving her more opportunities to try and control your life. I'm trying to picture your exact situation. You are married and an efective mother yourself, and hold down a job, so you're really competent, whatever your fussy mom might say. But how does she get so much access to you, to be able to bully you ? Does she live with you ? If so, is that essential or could that be changed ? If its essential, then she needs to be told calmly but firmly that while she lives in YOUR house, you are the boss and she needs to work by your rules ; that her help will be greatly appreciated WHEN it is asked for.
If she doesn't live with you, does she need to have so much access ? Remind her that you are busy with work and motherood and manaing your own home, that you appreciate being able to ask for advice or help when you feel you need it, but that you'd appreciate her leaving you alone to develop your own style and capabilities

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/13

Pity that she works in the same company giving her more opportunities to try and control your life. I'm trying to picture your exact situation. You are married and an efective mother yourself, and hold down a job, so you're really competent, whatever your fussy mom might say. But how does she get so much access to you, to be able to bully you ? Does she live with you ? If so, is that essential or could that be changed ? If its essential, then she needs to be told calmly but firmly that while she lives in YOUR house, you are the boss and she needs to work by your rules ; that her help will be greatly appreciated WHEN it is asked for.
If she doesn't live with you, does she need to have so much access ? Remind her that you are busy with work and motherood and manaing your own home, that you appreciate being able to ask for advice or help when you feel you need it, but that you'd appreciate her leaving you alone to develop your own style and capabilities

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