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Question
Posted by: hi | 2010/07/23

hi

i am stuck in a relationship that i dont want to be in. i am not inlove with the guy anymore but he insists on seeing me. i had the police involved and had an interdict but i dont want to humiliate this person like that to let him go to jail, but he just doesnt listen and even when i tell him its over he still makes like i am his girlfriend. Sometimes i even allow all this to happen because i feel sorry for him to allow him to manipulate me. i am scared that i will need him when i need help and he wouldnt be there. here where i am i dont have any relatives and ...i dont know im just sick of the whole circle thing.please advise me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I 'm sure you earlier on explained calmly and pleasantly but firmly to him that you had no further interest in the relationship. It should be explained to him ( is there a mutual friend or someone in his family you know ) who you can ask to explain to him that it is over, his activities make it even less likely you'll change your mind, and that the interdict means he can be jailed and deeply embarrassed if he doesn't obey it ?
But you absolutely cannot have it both ways, and maybe, intentionally or accidentally, you have been giving him mixed signals. You can't tell him to stay away, and get and interdict against him - but hope he'll be available if you need some help ! Make other friends.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: lilly | 2010/07/27

you need to get out. Take up some new hobbies.. you''l soon meet people and have a few mates. who will be more suportivea nd better for you..! move forward, you won t regret it later on!!
all the best, be BRAVE.

Reply to lilly
Posted by: Jay | 2010/07/27

If you do a clean break you''ll end up married to the guy!

Reply to Jay
Posted by: XXX | 2010/07/23

You need to make him understand that you have moved on and he is no longer welcome at your home etc.
If it does not work by being nice to him,then you will have to be tough and be more forceful about it.If all this fails you will have to go to the police.
Let him also become aware that you are going out to braai''s/movies etc.
Don''t respond to sms''s/emails etc.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: anon | 2010/07/23

you have to let go...
make friends you can trust that will help you. you cant do things in your life (against your will) INcase something happens.

im sure if you are in dire need of help there WILL be someone you can call on other than this guy.

if you allow it, it is your problem, not his.
you cant get upset with him if you allow it.

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/23

I 'm sure you earlier on explained calmly and pleasantly but firmly to him that you had no further interest in the relationship. It should be explained to him ( is there a mutual friend or someone in his family you know ) who you can ask to explain to him that it is over, his activities make it even less likely you'll change your mind, and that the interdict means he can be jailed and deeply embarrassed if he doesn't obey it ?
But you absolutely cannot have it both ways, and maybe, intentionally or accidentally, you have been giving him mixed signals. You can't tell him to stay away, and get and interdict against him - but hope he'll be available if you need some help ! Make other friends.

Reply to cybershrink

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