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Question
Posted by: Kate | 2011/01/17

He''s not Speaking to me

Hi Cs

We were out with friends on Sat. he was quiet but said he was fine, just tired.
After abit of bowling, pool etc After this we went to the beach.
He decided to stay in the car, I left him and he pulled down the seat and I thought ok he''s tired let him take a nap or be grumpy on his own. We enjoyed ourselves and stayed for about an hour after I went to fetch the camera in the car, he then said he wanted to leave.

We stayed another 30mins after which we left. He never spoke a word so i put on some music, had 2 friends with who we dropped at home. I then dropped him at home, no kiss, no goodbye nothing.
I got home he never bothered to call to find out if I got home safely since I drove home at about 1am. Sunday nothing all day.
I decided not to contact him either.

We have been together for 3yrs and supposed to be getting married next year, he said he wanted to get married this year but its not possible.
Now I don''t know the reason he is being like this.

On the one hand I think it''s because... He borrowed me money to pay my study reg. fees right. He said he would pay half and I should refund half when I get paid. He gave me 4k and I''m supposed to give him 2k back. The thing is on Sat. I spent like R300 on snacks etc for us because we had planned to go to the beach but I called him and told him and he was fine with this over the phone. So I''m also thinking it can''t be that.

This is the first time he has not spoken/contacted me for no reason in the 3 years we have been together.
So I don''t know what to do now... Do I just ignore him too until he comes around... Do I go around and speak to him... even though he is the one that''s not speaking to me.
What I was going to do if he dsnt contact me until Friday, which is when I get paid, I will go around to him, put the 4k in an envelope and drop it off by his mom, or just leave it in his room and leave.
Tell him to keep whatever he has over there(things we bought for when we get married) as everything is stored at his house.

I mean I don''t want to be with someone like this.
What I have spoken to him about before is his attitude, he snaps at the smallest things sometimes, no patients, grumpy but otherwise we never had any major problems.
It''s just been bothering me since we havnt spoken because I don''t know what up! So I''m constantly thinking about it, how do I get this off my mind and forget about this until friday if he dsnt contact me?

Even if I do try to contact him now I know he is going to be short with me, if I sms or email he won''t reply or he will give me a half reply so it''s pointless trying to contact him if he is angry with me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you want to understand whatever is going on, there's no substitute for simplt calmly talking about it with him, Not only is an SMS or e-mail easier to ignore, but you miss all the clues of facilal expressions, body language, and tone of voice, etc.
He sounds as though he is over-reacting to whatever it is you don't know ; and to call off the marriage now, on the basis of this single incident, would be serious over-reacting on your side.
If the pair of you really can't talk this through, don't rush into marriage, either.
Judging from your last comments among the replies, this jhas been sorted out FOR NOW, and arose from a misunderstanding, and each of you trying to be considerate without checking out whether your strategy was based on a genuine need

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: WTF | 2011/01/17

Not meaning to be the chief constable of the karma police, seeing as im quite gracious, but is this a mental health issue or can you not maintain any relationship without strangers help?

Health24 should get a relationship help forum that should cut the traffic on the " mental"  health forum dramatically.

Reply to WTF
Posted by: Kel | 2011/01/17

Oh my sack, he sounds like a real drama queen, communication is key Kate, if you dont have that then whats the point...

Reply to Kel
Posted by: Kate | 2011/01/17

OK! Apparently he thought I was the one that was in a bad mood so he decided to give me some space. I snapped at him a couple of times but that was because I thought he was complaining which he says he was not. Then he decided to stay in the car because he didnt want to annoy me further.
Sorry for the post then CS!

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Maria | 2011/01/17

Kate, if you and your bf cannot talk this through then you''re not ready to get married anyway. Communication is very important for a relationship to be healthy. Have you considered just asking him if he is ok? Maybe he is really stressed about work or something else? Maybe he suffers from depression? There is a lack of concern for him in your message, aren''t you worried about this man who you apparently love enough to get married to, and who is behaving strangely?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Kate | 2011/01/17

I went through my cell now for the first time since Sat. and there''s about 3 numbers that were called on Sat.night that I do not know. My cell was in the car and I never used it since I had left home. 2 of the numbers went straight to vmail, the other some chick answered. I really don''t think he would cheat on me and using my cell to call her... I think that would be stupid.
Should I call again and find out who she is? Or should I just leave it at that? The call only lasted a minute... On the other hand I called my ex earlier that day to get directions from him, which shows on my calls but he would have only seen that later the night when we were at the beach, ao that dsnt explain his earlier moodiness.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/17

If you want to understand whatever is going on, there's no substitute for simplt calmly talking about it with him, Not only is an SMS or e-mail easier to ignore, but you miss all the clues of facilal expressions, body language, and tone of voice, etc.
He sounds as though he is over-reacting to whatever it is you don't know ; and to call off the marriage now, on the basis of this single incident, would be serious over-reacting on your side.
If the pair of you really can't talk this through, don't rush into marriage, either.
Judging from your last comments among the replies, this jhas been sorted out FOR NOW, and arose from a misunderstanding, and each of you trying to be considerate without checking out whether your strategy was based on a genuine need

Reply to cybershrink

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