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Question
Posted by: Zita | 2012/11/06

Q.

He''s getting married...

Good day Doc

I''ve been seeing this guy for the past 1year or so,when we started dating i just recently divorced and he was in a relationship, i did not mind him being in a relationship as i was also not looking for anything serious, we grew up in the same neigbourhood ,went to the same schools but we never dated,he only told me last year that he always had a crush on me,so we were of friends with benefits of some sort...yesterday he just told me that he''s getting married, I am hurt but at the same time i really wish him all the best as he is such a sweet and wonderful guy,
Am i wrong for not breaking things with him? I still want to continue with the affair even when he is married,as i enjoy his company...

Expert's Reply

A.

Expert ImageCyberShrink

So maybe you were feeling lonely, but you chose to begin dating him when you knew he was already in a relationship and cheating on her ? You felt this was fine because iot "wasn't anything serious" - yet feel disappointed when he marries someone else ( is this the woman in the opriginal relationship, or someone else ? ) Genuinely "Sweet and wonderful guys" son't cheat. And now, for purely selfish reasons, you calmly intend to continue your affair with him after he gets married ? Dotn't you feel sorry for his poor wife, who you want to continue helping him to cheat on ? How many other women may he be carrying on with ? And what risk to your health and that of his sad wife ?

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6
user comments
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/11/07

Leave this man alone and find someone else! He is to be married to another woman, yet you want to carry on your sordid affair with him? How would you feel if the tables were turned and you were being cheated on. It hurts so much knowing that someone you love dearly is cheating on you and the other woman is totally oblivious (or maybe not) to the pain she is causing? For your own good, leave him alone. Just remember one thing, if he could do this to the woman he is preparing to marry, imagine what he would to do you?? Think about it ...... and have some self-respect!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Nini | 2012/11/07

You are the type of woman I dread the most in my life. You are the type of woman that would give me sleepless nights had I not trusted my husband to the fullest.

You are selfish, you are needy, you are greedy...

Had this man felt anything for you at all then you would be the one getting married. You are nothing but a booty call to him, and apparently you enjoy this? Shame on you for not giving his fiance a fair chance at her marriage. And even a bigger shame on him for thinking it is okay to continue things with you. He is a cheat and a liar, and not only does he NOT deserve her, but he certainly does NOT deserve you either - purely because you are enabling his behavior and making him think it''s okay to behave in this way. Have you no respect for the sanctity of marriage? Just remember that what you reap you will sew.

I hope you find the strength to walk away from this man. You most certainly deserve better, and at the very least have some self respect! You need to give yourself the opportunity to find someone that can devote himself to you 100%, and only you.

And if you are not looking for a serious relationship then at least find someone that is not involved with another person. At least grant that poor woman some womanly respect! I bet she has no idea that her future husband, the same man she is committing to spend the rest of her life with, is sleeping with another woman. I''d be ashamed if I were you.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Just saying | 2012/11/07

I''m shocked that you would " want to continue with the affair even when he is married,as i enjoy his company..."  Would you appreciate it if your new husband was carrying on an affair with someone? Shame on you! You ask" Am i wrong for not breaking things with him?"  The fact that you are even asking the question indicates that you already know the answer and that it''s wrong.

Reply to Just saying
Posted by: sonto | 2012/11/07

@Zita, what starts with a betrayal never ends well. You accepted and enabled this man to see and view you as a booty call. You might claim that you don’ t have feelings for him but you know deep down you do, and the only reason you want to continue with the affair is to see if this relationship will develop into something more. For someone who was married before you sound extremely immature and selfish, coz you should know better, not to interfere in someone else’ s marriage.

Reply to sonto
Posted by: XXX | 2012/11/07

You don''t sound like a very nice person Zita.How dare you wanting to continue the affair after he is marriage.
Shame on you

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Anon | 2012/11/06

I confused? How can you say you wish this guy the best ''as he is such a sweet and wonderful guy''?? I''m sure his soon to be wife would disagree if she discovered the multiples of woman he has been trying out? Or is she actually aware of you and the many, many others and still decided that he''s a catch?

As much as you might enjoy his company, I doubt he feels even remotely the same..or he would be asking you to marry him or at the very least not asking someone else. Will you not feel the least bit guilty or bad for his poor wife when you continue ''enjoying his company'' once he''s married??

Reply to Anon

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