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Question
Posted by: Myself | 2009-06-15

Helping out.

i just moved in with my boyfriend.Oh. God,the problem is,he never want to help out with anything in the house.we are both working and come home late and tired.id cook and do the dishes and he would be in bed watching movies or outside chating to friends or watching tv.he only help when i ask him to,and only when he can see that i am really mad of him not doing anything.he never jst offer to help with anything.i clean wwash pick up his clothes.everything.all i get is a thanks not a helping hand.i feel i am gettin tired od it and he can see it and he always promises to help when i bring the topic up but he never does..he is so lazy.hell tell me about how tired he is after doing the dishes and at that time ill be doing the laudry and cleaning.and after that he wants me not to say i am tired to have sex,
please help me am i being crazy?

i dont think i can do this anymore.
sorry for the long msg.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Moving in together seems to be often decided without due thought and without proper negotiation. Before such a move, you guys should clarify HOW you plan to live together --- how you will share the chores and expenses.
What did he do before you moved in ? Did he get you to move in as someone he enjoys being with and wants to make happy ? OR as a lover who will to the cooking, cleaning, dishes, and all other chores while he puts his feet up ? Marvellous ! And all purpose maid you don't even need to pay ! Explain that this is NOT an acceptable division of labour, and that you will be permanently too tired to have sex unless he works with you to share ALL the chores, so you can both have a lighter work load and more time to enjoy being together

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2009-06-15

I think a serious discussion is called for. Perhaps with a counselor? His behaviour is not going to change if you continue doing everything for him. I wonder whether letting him run out of clean underwear can be a wake-up call. Or perhaps letting him go hungry two nights in a row. What will happen if you simply plonk yourself in front of the tv with him, doing nothing too?

Your situation reminds me of ex-husband, although he wasn' t really lazy. He just felt that cooking and cleaning was womans'  work. After counselling, he started pitching in and helping. Especially since I just refused to make supper 3 times a week. And his stomach was a very high priority.

Good Luck
Liza

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