Posted by: Stefanus | 2009-01-27

HELP! Urgent assistance needed!

My wife and I have seperated almost six months ago. We have a daughter of 18 months, and she' s with her mother. I was told to vacate their house (the in-laws we stayed at) immediately or face the consequences. I left.
I have had an almost non-stop daily battle against this woman to see my child. I' ll call one day to try and arrange something, and she' ll start shouting at me over the phone for e.g. she' ll accuse me of not showing any interest in the child because I wasn' t there when she was in hospital last week. W.T.F.?? How am I supposed to know this? She doesn' t call me to tell me this, but I have to pay the medical every single month!!
I' ve tried instituting divorce proceedings to force her to allow me see my child, but she refuses to see my lawyer because " she' s busy" . Then I found out that she' s been having an affair for about half our married life (almost 5 years). Let' s just say I heard the man with my own two ears and saw him with my own to eyes. Don' t know him though, but he knew who I was. It seems obvious to me now why I had to get out the way. I know now she' s been sleeping around behind my back, I doubt if the baby is mine, and that her and her entire family forced me out with so much noise, that no one will notice what' s really happening. I need to prove to the court or lawyer or somebody that I' m talking the truth. What can I do? I don' t want that man to look after my baby.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Stefanus,

before anything, you mention having doubts now that your child is your own. Does this need to be clarified before you do anything else?
Otherwise there is Rule 43.
It is an interim application which is brought mainly in cases of opposed divorces in order to obtain interim relief pending finalisation of divorce. The relief applied for is:
Maintenance for the wife and/or children;
Interim custody and control or access of the children;
Interim contribution towards costs.

All the best

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Divorce support expert | 2009-01-28

There are much emotions that you need to address Stephanus.
And it is a time when we usually find it very hard to see any clarity and/or justice even.
You have to remain true to yourself and keep your integrity.
Act upon what you truly believe in, which is keeping your daughter' s best interest as a priority.
Your lawyer should be able to claim visitation rights. It is important that you have support to manage the emotional side of the situation. To start divorce proceedings in bitterness and anger will not benefit anyone, especially your child.


Reply to Divorce support expert
Posted by: Stefanus | 2009-01-27

anything is possible, but I' m sure she is mine - we share many features. I am aware of this Rule 43 but the question still stands - if she defaults in any way, what really will happen to her? I don' t have much faith unfortunately, but could be converted...

I am very worried that at the end of it all, I' ll be seen as the deserter of wife and child  I was forced out and my life made very bad, all because of the affair between my wife and this man. Isn' t there something I can use in court or anywhere so that I don' t have to suffer for something I' m not the cause of?? This will probably kill me inside.

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