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Question
Posted by: A guy | 2008/08/12

Help - unfulfilled marriage

I need help. I am married, 47 years old, a fit, strong, healthy, positive guy.Problem is my wife. While she as a lot of positive qualities, she drives me mad. She is hardly into sex, its always a mission for her and on top of that she is always sleeping and partly depressed, while I carry the load for the family. This has been going on for many years. She is on meds and they dont seem to help. We nearly got divorced last ear over all this,but she made promises and made some changes...for a couple months. Now its back to usual, and I just cant take it. I would leave her immediately but we have 2 high maintenance and quite fragile kids (emotionally) and i just cant do it to THEM to break up the house, live seperately etc. What do I do??? Any advice??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Askm to meet with her psychiatrist, and ask him why there has been so little progress in her treatment, and what more could be done. Personally, in a case such as you describe, I would like to ensure that the person received Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy (CBT ) which is highly effective in treating depression, as well as properly monitored antidepressant medication. I hope she has been seeing a proper specialist Psychiatrist and not only a GP.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maggie | 2008/08/13

I have to admit your wife sounds like me, without the medication. Firstly do you love your wife? Secondly is her depression because of something that has happened in her life or is it just a chemical imbalance issue?
I myself get depressed because of everything I have to do, I always maintain that i am expected to be the lady in the lounge, cook in the kitchen, a maid to the children and a whore in the bedroom, cant do everything so something has to go, usually the sex is the first thing. You are not alone my husband complains too, no i dont sleep excessively but I have a drive that goes beyond my limits and i know that i need to just keep going on even if it means up til late at night to do the cleaning, washing, ironing etc, so when i get to bed, sex is the last thing that i want. I too have 2 very active children that keep me on my toes 24/7 and sometimes just watching them is enough to tire me to no end. I dont know if this helps you, but i can say walking out is not gonna help either, she will just become more depressed more drawn into herself and you leaving will maybe make the kids resent both you and her. I am not saying that you have to live with things the way they are, maybe your option is to go to the doctor with her and tell them how you are feeling about her condition

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