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Question
Posted by: Gina | 2011/01/24

Help please

My bf and I broke up 5 months ago. He is still trying to get over me, he has revealed to me that he has suicidal thoughts and has even thought about doing me harm. He has cut himself off from all his friends and has instructed both me and his family not to be in contact with each other. Before we met he was suicical and on anti-depressants. I have stopped all contact with him but I''m worried that he might hurt himself. How can I help him without getting too involved?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You don't mention why you two broke up ; sounds like mit was your idea and not his. It also sounds as though he is handling this particularly badly, and he could be a danger to himself and/or to you. His family ought to do all they can to persuade him to see a shrink for assessment and help. And they or you should contact whoever has been treating him for his previous suicidality, to make sure that his doc knows that he is now expressing suicidal and possibly homicidal thought. I appreciate that you are concerned for him even though not wanting to get involved. And his potwential for endangering himself and others has to be taken into acount.
You might even consider approaching the police and court to get an order forbidding him from approaching you in any way, though this doesn't necessarily stop someone who is suicidal and might still think of doing you harm.
He is not entitled to meddle in whether you and his parents talk together. If they are concerned that he may be a danger to himself or others ( and they must also be aware of his previous mental illness ) they can approach the police and better, a psychiatrist or even GP, and arrange for a compulsory admission of him to hospital for assessment and perhaps for treatment. They have a legal standing to do that, which you don't
I disagree with Vrye Denker's choice of words, though it is true that one eeds to be very cautious about expressing EITHER sympathy or antipathy, as both could encourage him to act out violently.

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Our users say:
Posted by: rico | 2011/01/24

i agree 100% with MCNF

Reply to rico
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/24

Hi Gina, dont help. He is not your responsibility.
He chose to dump you.
Move on girl. Don''t even take his calls. This is necesasary so he can also move on.
Threatening suicide? The once that threaten don''t do the deed. It is only to " freak you out"  and get your sympathy.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: MindControlNeverFails | 2011/01/24

Gina, from my limited understanding of this situation (seeing as I dont know you, something I am very grateful for!) you seem to have known very much what you were getting into when you had a relationship with this person, now (remember this is only my limited understanding) you seem to be suffering the consequences of the choices you made, even though I am sure you will move on and think little of it!

Make your bed sweet heart but then you MUST lie in it, yes?

Reply to MindControlNeverFails
Posted by: Gina | 2011/01/24

Thanks so much for the response.

The relationship had run its course and it was in fact his ''idea to call it quits.''

Reply to Gina
Posted by: Vrye Denker | 2011/01/24

The proper response is " DO IT FAGGOT!" . Don''t reinforce this behaviour by showing sympathy. You''re welcome to feel sympathy, but you cannot show it to him because at this point, any attention from you is better than nothing. Maybe get your brother or father to explain things to him.

Tough love works best here. It will also probbly teach him to act more like a man in future.

Reply to Vrye Denker
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/01/24

Why are you still in contact with a guy you broke up with 5 months ago? Breaking up is breaking up! Stop enjoying the drama, you do not need this sort of person in your life as a friend. If you met someone else what do you think they would think ! MOVE ON NOW WHICH IS WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE 5 MONTHS AGO!
Remember what you have learned from this ,men on antidepressants who are suicidal often dont make good boyfriends.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: rico | 2011/01/24

lucky for you, you left the psycho.......
stay away from him there is no telling what he is capable of.
rather talk to his parents and let them know of his intentions.what ever you do, DO NOT confront him alone.

Reply to rico
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/24

You don't mention why you two broke up ; sounds like mit was your idea and not his. It also sounds as though he is handling this particularly badly, and he could be a danger to himself and/or to you. His family ought to do all they can to persuade him to see a shrink for assessment and help. And they or you should contact whoever has been treating him for his previous suicidality, to make sure that his doc knows that he is now expressing suicidal and possibly homicidal thought. I appreciate that you are concerned for him even though not wanting to get involved. And his potwential for endangering himself and others has to be taken into acount.
You might even consider approaching the police and court to get an order forbidding him from approaching you in any way, though this doesn't necessarily stop someone who is suicidal and might still think of doing you harm.
He is not entitled to meddle in whether you and his parents talk together. If they are concerned that he may be a danger to himself or others ( and they must also be aware of his previous mental illness ) they can approach the police and better, a psychiatrist or even GP, and arrange for a compulsory admission of him to hospital for assessment and perhaps for treatment. They have a legal standing to do that, which you don't
I disagree with Vrye Denker's choice of words, though it is true that one eeds to be very cautious about expressing EITHER sympathy or antipathy, as both could encourage him to act out violently.

Reply to cybershrink

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