Our expert says:
There's not always a simple answer in these situations, which I have experienced personally. You're lucky that your mom is so intact and well at her age. When she talks about being near death ( as she may be ) don't look for a clever answer, just listen, maybe saying something like "How does that feel, for you ? "
And discuss with her the problems you experience, and ask her advice ( apart from one's failing body, one of the tragedies of age is to feel redundant and unnecessary ) Say that you really want to care for her as much as you can, but feel you also need at least a weekend day opff for your husband and yourself--- and how does she suggest you handle that ? Which day would suit her best ? ( this way, you're not asking her if you can have a day off, but which day, which usually leads to a more fruitful discussion ).
I haven't found a good book on caring for an aging parent --- I wish I had found one to help me when I was caring for my mom, especially during her last years of increasing dementia. Maybe eventually we'll have to write one !
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