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Question
Posted by: Pooh friend | 2010-02-05

Help asb

Hoop u kan my van raad wees...

Eks onsaglik moedeloos en voel dat niks meer wat ek doen goed genoeg is nie!
Ek en my ou is al 4 jaar saam en dinge kom nie na ' n punt toe nie... menende ons is nog nie eens verloof nie! Hy is nou 28 en wil eers op 30 trou... ek voel ek mors my tyd saam met iemand wat nie regtig wil trou nie!
Ons ouers is ' n groot invloed op ons verhouding, hy kan my ma nie verdra nie en wanner ons baklei dan sal hy altyd my ma voor my gooi en vir my se hoe sleg ek soos sy is en ek weet in my hart dat ek nie soos sy is nie. Ek en my ma het nog nooit ' n doter ma verhouding gehad nie so ek weet dat ek nie is wat sy is..

Ek is iemand wat glad nie daarvan hou om te baklei nie so ek vergeet en vergewe dadelik, maar my ou sal vir dae kwaad bly vir my. En wanneer ons baklei sal dit partymal vreeslik hand uit ruk en en die wit wax uit mekaar vloek... ek weet dit is baie verkeerd. Hy sal partymal so aggresief raak dat hy my sal begin rondstamp. Hyt my al hoeveel keer gedruig dat hy my sal dood maak so kwaad word hy, hyt my so 2 mnd terug amper versmoor met sy hand wat hy my mond en neus toegedrik het, dan skop ek in en baklei terug- krap skree wat ook al ek kan doen, ek weet dis seker klaar ' n teken dat ek hom moet los maar dink partymal dat ek ook die oorsaak is van die gebeure!

Onlangs het hy uitgevind dat sy Pa iets gedoen het wat hom baie teleurgestel het en van daar af kan ek niks reg doen in sy oë  nie. Ek voel regtig dat dit ons verhouding baie beinvloed en self dit is besig om ons uitmekaar te dryf.

Ekt vir hom gese dat ons iemand moet gaan sien wat ons al 2 kan help, maar hy stel eenvoudig net nie belang nie... ek meen hoe moet die bereidwilligheid wees..... ek sal enige iets vir hom doen as ek weet dit kan ons verhouding red of ons help met ons probleme in die verhouding.

Hoop regtig u kan vir my van raad wees.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I always find it a bit curious when people decide they should marry at 30 ( or whatever age ) ather than at a ertain poiont in a relationship, or when they are mature enough, or according to their financial circumstances. However
When he accuses you of being like your ma, it's probably because he has noticed it upsets you to say so, rather than bcause he believes it is so.
However, when you are describing frankly abusive behaviour and threats, and - did I understand you right, he blames YOU because of something HIS father id ? - I wonder why you continue to consider remaining engaged to him or think of marrying him. None of these things are likely to improve after marriage, especially as he apparently refuses to take part in couples counselling.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Tanilani | 2010-02-05

Nee wat, as dit nou al so gaan en julle is nog nie eers verloof nie, hardloop poppie, hardloop jou bene stompies, maar kom so ver weg as moontlik van hierdie man. Moenie jouself bluf en dink dit is jou skuld nie, want DIT IS NIE JOU SKULD NIE. Hy is regtig oud en groot en lelik gnoeg om verantwoordelik te wees vir sy eie optrede, en jy verdien dit beslis nie. Maak dat jy wegkom, en moenie dink jy is lief vir hom nie - jy is eerder BANG vir hom. Ek belowe jou jy wil nie die res van jou lewe in vrees lewe en dink dis liefde nie. Ek was daar, ek weet. Gelukkig het ek ' n breuk gemaak, en was nog nie een dag spyt nie. Ek is alleen ja, maar gelukkig.

Reply to Tanilani
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-02-05

This is not a healthy or a happy relationship, and you should run as fast as you can, as far as you can!
A real man (no matter how you provoke him) will NOT resort to violence against their partner. Ever.

As much as it hurts, leave now before you get seriously hurt. Can you imagine raising children with this man?? Be strong, and do what you know in your heart you need to do.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-05

I always find it a bit curious when people decide they should marry at 30 ( or whatever age ) ather than at a ertain poiont in a relationship, or when they are mature enough, or according to their financial circumstances. However
When he accuses you of being like your ma, it's probably because he has noticed it upsets you to say so, rather than bcause he believes it is so.
However, when you are describing frankly abusive behaviour and threats, and - did I understand you right, he blames YOU because of something HIS father id ? - I wonder why you continue to consider remaining engaged to him or think of marrying him. None of these things are likely to improve after marriage, especially as he apparently refuses to take part in couples counselling.

Reply to cybershrink

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