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Question
Posted by: Steve | 2012/05/02

Help!!!

Hi there,

My sister has been dating this guys for 9 years now and they have 2 kids.He found out in Jan this year that he has a 6 year old daugter.The child was concieved in the time he and my sister was going out.He was only 18 when this happened and had no idea he impregnated this girl as she never came forward that she is carrying he''s child.6years later it''s been said it''s his child,he admit sleeping with the girl as it wasn''t any serious.We as a family has already accepted him as part of our family and now this thing is happening.I know he loves my sister very much and he has no idea what he must do now.The mother of this child said she wants nothing from him,but my sister is starting to push him away.What can they do and how can they try and make things better?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Complex, isn't it ? He ( and you as a family ) may want to be sure that this genuinely is his child, but that would need DNA testing, mor him and the child, perhaps the mother as well, and she may well not agree to cooperate.
Maybe he acted unwisely back 6 years or more ago, and indeed while he was already dating your sister. But there needs to be careful consideration of whether this discovery should be allowed to disturb the current relationship in which he seems to have been otherwise faithful and loving. Maybe some shared couples counselling would be a wise idea, in view of how much this couple have invested in each other and this relationship ?
One wonders why the mother of the child, having chosen to tell him nothing at the time, and who apparently now says she wants nothing from him, chose to reveal the facts at this late stage. Could she perhaps have found about his relationship with your sister, and maybe wanted to disturb that ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/02

Complex, isn't it ? He ( and you as a family ) may want to be sure that this genuinely is his child, but that would need DNA testing, mor him and the child, perhaps the mother as well, and she may well not agree to cooperate.
Maybe he acted unwisely back 6 years or more ago, and indeed while he was already dating your sister. But there needs to be careful consideration of whether this discovery should be allowed to disturb the current relationship in which he seems to have been otherwise faithful and loving. Maybe some shared couples counselling would be a wise idea, in view of how much this couple have invested in each other and this relationship ?
One wonders why the mother of the child, having chosen to tell him nothing at the time, and who apparently now says she wants nothing from him, chose to reveal the facts at this late stage. Could she perhaps have found about his relationship with your sister, and maybe wanted to disturb that ?

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