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Question
Posted by: Kitty | 2012/04/11

Help!!!

Hi doc. I''m not even sure you''re the correct person to ask this, but I don''t know who else to ask.
I have a little baby boy, he is 5 months now, and gorgeous as hell.
I''m just wondering, would it be frowned apon if I think that hubby and I should have some alone time now and then. Like taking baby to mom in law or anyone, overnight, so that we can just get a break. My husband is a bit conservative, and does not want baby to stay with someone overnight. So, in the 5 months since he was born, we''ve left him with mom in law 4 times, for 2 or 3 hours. Well go and fetch him like 9 or 10 at night, he''s sound asleep, and hubby would rather wake him up to take him home, than just leaving him to spend the night. I feel like i''m going crazy cos I need a break, and can''t seem to get one. Am I a bad mother for feeling this way. There are other things also that is getting me down, that I need to also sort out, but that together with us not getting a break now and then, is busy driving me to all kinds of thoughts at night, that I can just say...is not very healthy. And I get knots in my stomach when I think that if something doesn''t happen, I''m going to go mad, and I''ll end up in a institution somewhere, and my little boy will be without a mother. I need serious help and advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sure some of the experienced moms who frequent this forum will be able to respond helpfully ! TO me it seems entirely acceptable that even the most loving and devoted parents would benefit from a little time out, and to leave the child with a safe and caring caregiver like a family member, to enable you to have an evening out, sounds fine to me.
As with caregivers for adults, too, some timeout enables you to return to caregiving even more able to do it well.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pain | 2012/04/12

When I had my daughter, I needed so much that someone can take her for at least 3 hours so that I can breathe. Luckily for me I had a stay in nanny who was with me a few months before the baby was born. It really helped, (could go do my hair, go shopping go drink coffee, go to gym and even stay in my bedroom and sleep or watch movies). I was not comfortable with her not being at home with me at night when she was less than 2 years, but now it is fine she can sleep out. I get even better rest. I felt guilty asking people( family), plus they did not offer.

Reply to Pain
Posted by: Kitty | 2012/04/11

Thanks for your replies, that''s exactly how I see it.
I don''t think I have post natal depression, as all the reasons for me being down a bit, can be sorted out within the household, I just need to talk to hubby and explain to him.

Thanks.

Reply to Kitty
Posted by: Nini | 2012/04/11

If you have people that you trust enough to look after him for a night, then grab it with both hands!

Always remember that just because you have become a mother, it doesnt mean that you are no longer a human. We need a break too. And if anything, this break will give you the boost you need, and in turn will make you even more dedicated to your family.

Dont feel guilty for wanting a break. You need it, you deserve it. And if you can get someone to do this for you one night a month, you will reap the rewards.

Good luck!

Reply to Nini
Posted by: CANDS | 2012/04/11

Needing a break is normal and in fact very healthy for your marriage. I forget about us as a couple and focused all my energy and time on my children and sadly woke up one day to find my marriage was over. Insist on alone time! Are you not suffering a bit from postnatal depression?

Reply to CANDS
Posted by: Maria | 2012/04/11

Try the Parenting forum.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/11

I'm sure some of the experienced moms who frequent this forum will be able to respond helpfully ! TO me it seems entirely acceptable that even the most loving and devoted parents would benefit from a little time out, and to leave the child with a safe and caring caregiver like a family member, to enable you to have an evening out, sounds fine to me.
As with caregivers for adults, too, some timeout enables you to return to caregiving even more able to do it well.

Reply to cybershrink

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