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Question
Posted by: JANE | 2011-05-30

HELP

HI

Is not paying attention a learned process from childhood into adulthood. I was molested and when i told my mother she did not believe me. she pushed it aside. Now she is dead that i am older. It is like my concentration is not there and i pay attention only if i want to selective hearing. i went for cbt counselling.

Pls explain to me what is happening here.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Paying attention is hard-wired into the human and indeed animal brain from the start. As we grow, we learn to pay more attention to things that are risky or pleasant, and may choose to pay less attention to things that bother us and which we wish to avoid.
Sadly, it is all too common for a mother to ignore a child's revelations that he/she is being abused. There are various, complex, reasons for this. And childhood abuse also in itself has many possible complex effects on one's feelings and atitudes as one grows. These are best dealt with by counselling with a skilled psychotherapist or counsellor, to set oneself free from the past. Sometimes the habit of not atending to unpleasant ( though relevant ) things can spread unhelpfully, and can indeed become a cause o other ificulties.
I would have expected any counsellor, including one using CBT, to have explored all these issues with you in some depth, and to have helped you deal with them with clear practical exercises and support. And that counsellor, having properly explored the range of your problems, would be in the best position to explain things helpfully

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just asking | 2011-05-30

What I would like to know is how does a victim overcome something like this after many years ? What is necessary and what does the victim want from whoever, either the perpetrator, the Counsellor or the parent or guardian who did not respond to the complaint?

I know of a situation where the now adult received hidings for misbehavior. She now hounds her mother for not stopping the father from administering the punishment. The mother has said she is sorry (the father is dead) etc etc, but the woman will not stop hounding her, and keeps on about it, being cruel and nasty to the mother. What does she want the mother to do now? What does she want from the mother ?

Reply to Just asking
Posted by: Maria | 2011-05-30

Are you saying that you cannot concentrate on studies or in a work environment? Or are you not paying attentiont to people in your privatelife? Have you always had this problem? Did it get worse recently? Are you on any medication?

Do you think that being molested is related to the concentration problem?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-30

Paying attention is hard-wired into the human and indeed animal brain from the start. As we grow, we learn to pay more attention to things that are risky or pleasant, and may choose to pay less attention to things that bother us and which we wish to avoid.
Sadly, it is all too common for a mother to ignore a child's revelations that he/she is being abused. There are various, complex, reasons for this. And childhood abuse also in itself has many possible complex effects on one's feelings and atitudes as one grows. These are best dealt with by counselling with a skilled psychotherapist or counsellor, to set oneself free from the past. Sometimes the habit of not atending to unpleasant ( though relevant ) things can spread unhelpfully, and can indeed become a cause o other ificulties.
I would have expected any counsellor, including one using CBT, to have explored all these issues with you in some depth, and to have helped you deal with them with clear practical exercises and support. And that counsellor, having properly explored the range of your problems, would be in the best position to explain things helpfully

Reply to cybershrink

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