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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2010-09-07

Help

How can I stop treating my husband like dirt. I love him but due to problems in our marriage I cannot show him anymore and constantly bitch and moan. Please advise of how I can go about changing this nasty destructive pattern I have got into

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, you've already taken the first and most essential step - you have recognized that there is a problem, and that you need to change. Without that, nothing else could help. As you've discovered, bitching and moaning can be an almost automatic reaction to marriage problems, but it is useless - it solves none of the problems, and makes both of you feel worse.
The best bet for changing this unhelpful habit would be counselling, perhaps some individual sessions, then perhaps some joint sessions, for the pair of you - not only to deal with the most obvious problems, but to brush up your joint skills at solving problems more effectively

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chris | 2010-09-07

Confused, I cannot see that even if you have gone over the top and said some nasty things, that he is not willing to forgive you? He drinks alot if I understand this correctly and on that specific day you just had enough!! To devorce someone because of that is stupid.

For you, who gets cross and say things before you think, do just that and take your time and first think before speaking! I am sure you asked him to forgive you for that blunder and please, talk to each other about this!!! No use in carrying grudges!!

Reply to Chris
Posted by: Confused | 2010-09-07

Hi Chris Sorry not your wife. I have said shocking things to him. I made him tell his parent we where getting divorced unfortunately at a time when his dad was dying of cancer. My anger over his drinking had jsut got out of control and blasted my mouth off with no thought to his feelings and since then things have quickly gone downhill. He will not forgive me and says he has no feeling left for me. He wants a divorce. I really don''t want a divorce but I need to accept the fact that I have destroyed my marriage by shooting my big mouth off, But I also need to try not bitch and moan. I am in such a destructive mode at the moment and don''t know how to stop. I have tried to talk to him and we end up fighting because my mouth is quicker than my brain. He looks at me with such disgust I am ashamed. All i ned to do now is accept the fact that I screwed up and I cannot go back. Regrets are the worst things to live with.

I am sure your wife loves you, show her how much you love her and this might help her to show you her true feelings as well. Good luck

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Chris | 2010-09-07

Hope this is my wive posting this!!! But no, it is not. She does not love me!!! Damn!!!

But what has he or you done that is messing up your marraige? talk to him!!!!!!!!!!!! tell him what you feel!!

Reply to Chris
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-07

OK, you've already taken the first and most essential step - you have recognized that there is a problem, and that you need to change. Without that, nothing else could help. As you've discovered, bitching and moaning can be an almost automatic reaction to marriage problems, but it is useless - it solves none of the problems, and makes both of you feel worse.
The best bet for changing this unhelpful habit would be counselling, perhaps some individual sessions, then perhaps some joint sessions, for the pair of you - not only to deal with the most obvious problems, but to brush up your joint skills at solving problems more effectively

Reply to cybershrink

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