Our expert says:
I had more than once asked the folks who run the forums to get the programmers to make a subject a required field, so you would HAVE to include one, to prevent this sort of problem.
I can't keep digging around to find and copy my previous responses to repost them when someone fails to include a topic title.
Your fresh message is clearer on some details than the first one, as I recall it.
Reversing a vasectomy is very far from guaranteed to be successful, and though in the first place it should not have been done by the surgeon without your consent, you can't force a guy to have a reversal because you want another child.
And if it was done with your consent, even if that was reluctant, you have even less grounds to complain.
Wating another child is a genuine feeling some people have, but it does not oblige your husband to undergo surgery to try to achieve this, nor to undertake the expenses of raising the child until it is mature. You are not really being ROBBED of anything in this instance, though I can see how you could feel that way. And if this is 12 years after the other child, it's not unreasonable for him to fel sure that for him, his child-rearing days are over.
Seriously, it sounds like there are lots of conflicts in this marriage, and you should not even imagine having another child until you fix these problems, in marriage counselling. The daughter is yours and his, and both of you have responsibilities for discipline and sructure and respect for the child - he can't just wash his hands of the child because he feels upset about a quarrel. That's childish. But if that's how he behaves about the child you already have, he's not fit to be father to a new child until he has sorted all this out and grown up more.
People don't change easily, and not unles rthey recognize a real and convincing need to change, and see some benefits for themselves in changing.
POWA and similar groups could help to advise you if you feel he is being or would be abusive. But most of all both of you seem not to be understanding each other or working together effectively as partners or parents - so marriage counselling is really needed.
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