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Question
Posted by: Bev | 2010/11/05

Heartbroken Teen

Hi

My 14 year old daughter fell madly in love with a boy at school. They have known each other for just over a year and started seeing each other three weeks ago and then this week the wheels fell off. He dumped her like a sack of potatoes, blaming her for all sorts of niggles. We have subsequently found out that this boy is somewhat of a player and juggling girls like a clown in the circus. My beautiful daughter did not deserve this sort of treatment. Maybe I am overracting to all of this but a mother can never be too cautious! The sad part is that he was put on a pedastal by my daughter. My poor child is devastated and the break up has come during her exams. I am extremely concerned because all she wants to do is sleep! I realise that she is stressed and have tried to be there for her at all times. My husband says I am making it worse and should just leave her alone to get over it. She is in grade 8 and battles with her studies, failing the exams on top of this would mortify her! How can I help her heal, I want to see my happy beautiful daughter again!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

These early, unrealistic "loves" can be very disturbing. Its really sad that at 14, kids aren't enjoying being kids, but are copying adults and having love affairs, and being players and played. I hope you didn't encourage the love affair, as it was so likely to lead to tears or worse.
You can usefully make it clear that you're sorry her feelings have been hurt, but that she must not allow this to disturb her exams ( no school would accept this as an excuse for failure . If necessary, let her see a counsellor to get this into perspective. Don't do anything on your side to encourage her to build it into some enormous drama.
No girl of 14 is emotionally capable of having a deep emotional love affair, and no boy of around that age is, either.
For whatever reason,she seems to have formed wildly unrealistic expectations for the affair, and is hurt by the damage to her illusions. Don't get too involved, and encourage her to mix with a group of friends and NOT to have a close girl-boy relationship. Concentrate your help on her preparation for the exams, and to encourage her to see this in perspective. She expected far too much from a boy-child, and both of them seem to have got out of their depth.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Yebo | 2010/11/05

Your daughter is still a Grade 8 baby hey...seems as if u treat her like an adolescent which you will regret later on...treat her like any normal 14 yr old...rather get her to concentrate on her schooling and help her to pass her Grade 8 rather then crying over some " relationship"  gone wrong...I think you giving your child way too much freedom at that age...

Reply to Yebo
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/11/05

Agree with Mother of teen. Just support her, but you are too involved!

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: Mother of teen | 2010/11/05

At 14 she is much to young to have a boyfriend anyway! Just leave her to deal with it on her own. This is not going to be the first heartbreak for her to overcome. She is stil young and you need to encourage her to rahter have good friends and go out in a group. She is to young for a serious relationship.

Reply to Mother of teen
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/05

These early, unrealistic "loves" can be very disturbing. Its really sad that at 14, kids aren't enjoying being kids, but are copying adults and having love affairs, and being players and played. I hope you didn't encourage the love affair, as it was so likely to lead to tears or worse.
You can usefully make it clear that you're sorry her feelings have been hurt, but that she must not allow this to disturb her exams ( no school would accept this as an excuse for failure . If necessary, let her see a counsellor to get this into perspective. Don't do anything on your side to encourage her to build it into some enormous drama.
No girl of 14 is emotionally capable of having a deep emotional love affair, and no boy of around that age is, either.
For whatever reason,she seems to have formed wildly unrealistic expectations for the affair, and is hurt by the damage to her illusions. Don't get too involved, and encourage her to mix with a group of friends and NOT to have a close girl-boy relationship. Concentrate your help on her preparation for the exams, and to encourage her to see this in perspective. She expected far too much from a boy-child, and both of them seem to have got out of their depth.

Reply to cybershrink

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