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Question
Posted by: shattered | 2012/05/29

heartache

Please help me. My whole world has simply been shattered. I am married. Stepmom to two beautiful kids - we see them every other week and my husband and I also have a 3year old and 7month old baby of our own. We have been married for three years.

He is the love of my life>  He just broke the news to me that he doesn''t love me - probably never really has. He was pretending to be someone he is not the last few years.

He wants the single life>  to do and go as he pleases. I do not know this man- my husband....he does not want to be married anymore. My heart is aching. He says that he will try for 3months - but I have no chance as to change his mind. We are just delaying the inevitable. he has made it clear that he does not even want to come home after work...He won''t talk to me - how do I try if he won''t even attempt to make it work?

What am I to do - fight for someone who does not want me - or give up and pack my bags...

It is difficult if one has never found themselves in this situation. I used to think that he was the perfect family man - he is my everything. I am 25 and he is 34..... He has literally changed overnight. He says that this is what he wants. he has made a clear decision. I have even asked him if he is depressed...he says no.....

Please - anyone who has been in this situation -help me with advice!!!!

I''m Shattered....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Marriage counselling is urgently needed, as his comments don't make sense. Why would someone choose to create a cruel fiction for years, pretending to love someone he doesn't love, and choosing to have two children by that person ?
It is pathetically selfish and juvenile to decide that he now wants a single life and to irresponsibly "come and go as he pleases". That would be choosing to ignore responsibilties he willingly undertook, and duties to you and the children which he owes to you.
And how can he now, suddenly be so utterly certain that this is the only thing he wants, whatever the consequences to you and the children, and that he will never change his mind ? And to make such a sudden pronouncement while refusing to discuss it, is again selfish, childish, and suggests far more doubt than he will admit to.
He has either been hiding psychopathic irresponsibility for years ( unlikely ) or is now deeply troubled in a way he is not revealing, maybe not even to himself, and in urgent need of assessment and advice from a shrink.
What does his family think of his suddent burst of irresponsibility ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Beth | 2012/06/01

Listen 2 me I can imagine what u r going through now but u cant make anyone love u my dear.if u force him 2 stay he will hate and resent u and maybe become violent so b strong cry,talk to someone it will pass and i hope for his sake he is aware of the type of bed he is making for himself and that one day he will comfortable on it.Just ask him to take care of his kids and pray remember this too shall pass and who knows maybe God is opening a great door for u after this one.....Gudluck

Reply to Beth
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/05/29

Sorry to read about the crappy way this man is treating you - are you sure he is not involved with another woman and therefore the sudden urge to be single? Take care - hope you get through this difficult time without too much pain and suffering. I don''t understand people and their way of thinking at the best of times - when they have a loving wife/husband and family and suddenly decide that it''s not good enough any longer. Good luck!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: SK | 2012/05/29

Sometimes people change or do not want to take responsibility for what they will do or are doing. Please stay and continue being you. Make new friends, get new hobbies or do whatever you have to do to keep yourself happy. He is being selfish and you do not have to change yourself for someone who is being childish and inconsiderate.

Do not move just continue with your life. In his quest to being single he must continue with the responsibilities that he had before deciding this. It will pass, stay strong.

Reply to SK
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/29

Marriage counselling is urgently needed, as his comments don't make sense. Why would someone choose to create a cruel fiction for years, pretending to love someone he doesn't love, and choosing to have two children by that person ?
It is pathetically selfish and juvenile to decide that he now wants a single life and to irresponsibly "come and go as he pleases". That would be choosing to ignore responsibilties he willingly undertook, and duties to you and the children which he owes to you.
And how can he now, suddenly be so utterly certain that this is the only thing he wants, whatever the consequences to you and the children, and that he will never change his mind ? And to make such a sudden pronouncement while refusing to discuss it, is again selfish, childish, and suggests far more doubt than he will admit to.
He has either been hiding psychopathic irresponsibility for years ( unlikely ) or is now deeply troubled in a way he is not revealing, maybe not even to himself, and in urgent need of assessment and advice from a shrink.
What does his family think of his suddent burst of irresponsibility ?

Reply to cybershrink

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