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Question
Posted by: Sasha | 2010/08/22

Heartache

How long does it take on average to get over someone that you had very deep feelings for. It has been 8 months now (since the relationship ended - it is one of those impossible relationships that just cannot be because of circumstances) and I can''t seem to shake the feelings.... I want to let go but my heart won''t let me - I still fantasise and I still ache. How long do these things take and is there anything I can do to expedite the process?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I haven't seen good research to produce a specific average, and anyhow, you're not Average - you're YOU. And so much depends on your personality and style, the nature of the relationship and how and why it broke up, etc.
Your Heart is not in charge, your mind and your assumptions are. If you tolerated the break-up only reluctantly, insisting it must be temporary and things must somehow be fixed, then you won't get over it, because acording to the definitions you have chosen, it isn't really over.
Whenever you choose to fantasize and daydream about it, you're scratching at the scabs and preventing the wound from healing.
Counselling can help you approach this more realistically and fruitfully.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2010/08/23

Unfortunately, there are no short cuts. Took me 17 months, but I do believe as a rule of thunb that about 14 to 15 months should be good time frame. Cutting all ties is essential, I didn''t and that caused me to be my own torurer. It''s not fun, all the best.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/23

I haven't seen good research to produce a specific average, and anyhow, you're not Average - you're YOU. And so much depends on your personality and style, the nature of the relationship and how and why it broke up, etc.
Your Heart is not in charge, your mind and your assumptions are. If you tolerated the break-up only reluctantly, insisting it must be temporary and things must somehow be fixed, then you won't get over it, because acording to the definitions you have chosen, it isn't really over.
Whenever you choose to fantasize and daydream about it, you're scratching at the scabs and preventing the wound from healing.
Counselling can help you approach this more realistically and fruitfully.

Reply to cybershrink

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