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Question
Posted by: Sasha | 2010/01/22

Heart broken after ending a relationship

Hi, i am a female in my mid-twenties. I broke up with my boyfriend (at the time) about 8 months ago, of which i had been living with for one and half years. I felt nothing when i broke up with him, only relief and excitement to be single and free again. Since then i met my dream man (in the sense of interests and life philosophy) whome which i have been in a relationhips for 6 months. Although i have found the ' perfect'  man, i have been feeling very sore over the last few weeks, missing my ex, and remembering all the good times that i didnt take notice of at the time. What i don' t know is whether what i am feeling is real (that i do miss him as a person, or whether my mind has become irrational and i am subconsciously sabotaging my current relationship which may be a pattern of mine. I know in theory that i need to let go of the past, and am trying through journalling, and other exercises that are supposed to help with that. I dont know how to stop the pain, and i cant tell if it is genuine or a spout of depression. I just dont know.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think some problems arise from unrealistic expectations. We might excellent people, but there are no perfect people on earth.
And after a breakup its too easy to slide back into selectively remembering all the good times, and forgetting the good reasons why you broke up. If it was all that perfect, you wouldn't have broken up.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sasha | 2010/01/22

I realise that....but how does one tell whether i was thre problem in the relationship....setting it up for disaster, or if we really werent suited? He never gave up trying...he insisted on working through the difficult times...and i just quit...i only realise now how i wasnt actually making an effort to make it work...

Reply to Sasha
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/22

I think some problems arise from unrealistic expectations. We might excellent people, but there are no perfect people on earth.
And after a breakup its too easy to slide back into selectively remembering all the good times, and forgetting the good reasons why you broke up. If it was all that perfect, you wouldn't have broken up.

Reply to cybershrink

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