Apparently he really doesnt understand you yourself, depending rather on theories he holds. To fight occasionally is normal enough, but it depends on how often, and how seriously. If he really feels you have nothing in common and are incompatible - why has he chosen to remain with you for 3 years ? And if he doesn't want to join you in couples counselling, he doesnt even want to try to solve the problems he thinks exist.
It does sound as though he has problems, within himself, and you have no reason for feeling hurt because he has them and doesnt want to fix them.
It hardly matters whether he's right or not about you two being incompatible - if that's how he feels, then you are incompatible. You cant make things compatible all on your own.
Everything you describe suggests that he doesn't want to be with you in the longer term, and this isn't your fault. Why do you feel so insistently that you must remain with him ? See a counsellor for yourself, to become able to move on and find someone who actually loves you
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