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Question
Posted by: Annoyed | 2012-06-13

Hearing it all the time

As I get older (I''m 26) friends, people are constantly asking when am I getting married, when am I having children, when am I moving in with my boyfriend of 4 years etc etc...

I''ve been ignoring these comments and I just say I am not in a hurry.

Everyone around me is rushing to have children and get married whereas I still want to see the world, have a successful business and enjoy my independence before I settle down.

Because of this it has made me wonder a little if my boyfriend will commit to me one day. He talks about " our wedding"  but he not asked how I feel about it nor has he asked me to move in with him. I just refuse to invite myself to move in with him. I am old fashioned that way and when he asks I''ll consider it.

Perhaps I have commitment issues. I hardly ever stay over at his place as I prefer sleeping in my own bed. I love being a lone at times. Maybe I''m just a cold person. I don''t think the same way everyone else does.

Tired of the questions and the doubt that''s been planted in my head at the moment.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I know we have free speech ( though it can be expensive at times ) but there should be a special place in Hell for people who meddle in other people's lives and nag them to get married, or to have children, or both.
GOod for you for standing your ground, Annoyed, and making your own decisions. It is not "having committment issues" to have your own plans and priorities in life, and you are not a cold person for also enjoying your own company. Some folks are pathetically unable to be on their own, and it's a strength to be able to enjoy that as well as to be with others.
In a way, these meddlers seem to feel you have to live the way they do, and want whatever they want. There was an old saying, in years gone by, "Marry in haste, repent at leisure". Maybe if more people took their time to make their own decisions about who and when to marry, there'd be less divorces and less unhappy couples ?

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012-06-13

I got married at 34. By that time I had done my own thing, grown up and learnt who I am and what I want out life. I''m not saying everybody has to wait that long, some people get married quite young and have long and happy relationships. Just do what''s right for you.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Liza | 2012-06-13

I got divorced at 25. Definitely not on my list of life priorities. You''re completely right to follow your dreams and not give in to people who can''t manage on their own and thus cannot understand how anyone else can manage on their own.

Discuss this with your boyfriend. Being pressured into something will only cause it to break apart later. Make sure that you and your boyfriend have similar priorities. If your priorities are completely different, it will only cause stress in the relationship.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Bongi | 2012-06-13

And you are very young at 26 " Annoyed"  to be getting such questions. People must mind their own business and leave us alone. Why rush into marriage only to divorce? Society is full of nonsense - I do a very good job of ignoring them of late.

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: Bongi | 2012-06-13

I am also very fed up with people who want to set me up with a lover just because they haven''t seen me with one. They assume that I NEED one. They think I am either lying or kidding myself when I say I am very happy with my life as it is. One woman is literally setting me up with a guy HERE IN THE OFFICE, telling me that the guy looks cute and smells nice - well then, have him yourself....

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-06-13

I know we have free speech ( though it can be expensive at times ) but there should be a special place in Hell for people who meddle in other people's lives and nag them to get married, or to have children, or both.
GOod for you for standing your ground, Annoyed, and making your own decisions. It is not "having committment issues" to have your own plans and priorities in life, and you are not a cold person for also enjoying your own company. Some folks are pathetically unable to be on their own, and it's a strength to be able to enjoy that as well as to be with others.
In a way, these meddlers seem to feel you have to live the way they do, and want whatever they want. There was an old saying, in years gone by, "Marry in haste, repent at leisure". Maybe if more people took their time to make their own decisions about who and when to marry, there'd be less divorces and less unhappy couples ?

Reply to cybershrink

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