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Question
Posted by: G | 2008/09/18

He' s married but we love each other

I told you my story months ago. I met a guy online 4 years ago. We had a long-distance relationship until March 2008, when I met him in person. It was so beautiful that we decided I could move to his country and be closer to him. But not long before my trip I had the feeling he had someone. I confronted him with my fears and he denied everything. Well, I had no proof of anything, so I believed him. So I came to Canada 3 weeks ago to find out he is really married. I still wasn' t 100% sure, but I finally talked to him and he told me the whole truth. He said he lied because he loves me and he wanted to have me here because he needs to know my love is true, so that he is strong enough to get divorced. He told me he doesn' t want to be all alone, that' s why he is still married. They also depend on each other economically. But he said he got married when he was 22 (now he is 37) and his relationship got cold and the only big reason that keeps them together is their daughter, who he loves more than anything. He also wants desperately that I go and meet his her. She' s 4 and she' s so beautiful that it breaks my heart to think what she might feel if she ever understands what' s happening. The worst thing of all is I really love him more than anything and he loves me too, but he believes his wife loves him as well, although she is cold and cheated on him years ago.
This is the situation. What should we do? I feel so bad, I don' t want his wife to suffer. But he says it' s sad if people keep their marriage even if their life is like hell. But he said he needs me to be honest and tell him if I truly love him because he is scared of being all alone one day and might want to die if that happened. Is it okay to tell him how much I love him? I know life is too short and there' s no love like ours, but still I feel guilty and I don' t know what to do. I told him he is the one who should decide if he wants to get divorced or not, but he is clearly afraid that he is not strong enough. Please, help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You insisted on making a long series of risky decisions based on romantic ideas rather than reality. Now please don't fall for the latest lot of lies. He did NOT lie to you because he loves you --- what sort of reason is that ? He lied to protect himself and for his own advantage, like all liars. What makes you think that he's stopped lying now ? Why are you so persistently addicted to wishful and unrealistic thinking ? You know his wife is certain to suffer if her divorces her or even just continues his affair with you, and it can't be good for the child, either. He's sacred to be alone ? For that reason eh expects you to sacrifice common sense and all of your own best interests ? "There's no love like ours" sounds like more Mills & BOon rather thann real life. There's loads of love like yours, though hopefully few that are as deliberately foolish and doomed. He's strong enough to lie consistently to you, and lure you round the world to him, but not strong enough to start a divorce ?
I don't see how I could help you --- you are determined to believe in the romantic novel you are constructing rather than the real world you are living in, and I doubt that you'd follow any good advice.

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Our users say:
Posted by: koos | 2008/09/19

he just wants to screw you and then leave you to get another victim,are you that dof?sheezzz!

Reply to koos
Posted by: anon | 2008/09/19

if he can cheat on her, with you, he will cheat on you with someone else!!!! he does not love you.... it' s called lust.... lust after something new and exciting, if he was a real man, he would move to you, and not expect you to move to him... he is in a comfort zone and you are allowing him to take advantage of the situation....

Reply to anon
Posted by: Zola | 2008/09/19

And don' t you dare talk about the child...don' t even mention her.

Reply to Zola
Posted by: Zola | 2008/09/19

I would like to throw a rock as well.

Lady please - you are not only hurting the family by having affairs with married men you are also gegrading yourself. I don' t even want a man who has a girlfiriend - let alone a wife. What is cute about being " the other woman" ????

What' s wrong with you? How can you be so proud of loving a cheating bastard. You are helping him cheat - you are just as guilty as he is.

Reply to Zola
Posted by: Misused | 2008/09/19

EL - Pls let me know when the rock throwing willstart. women like G should be stoned until dead. Serves you right G. You deserve what you got.

Reply to Misused
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/18

Xxx - by my guest

Reply to EL
Posted by: xxx | 2008/09/18

EL... mind if I join you in the rock throwing??? G, you have fallen for all the old lies that married men use - if he really loved you he would have left his wife for you... and you want to be with someone who behaves like that... how many other women did he chat to on the internet and profess to love??? Yip.. only the desperate and stupid will believe the lies. I hope one day you find that your spouse has cheated on you, and I hope you will then understand the pain and heartache it brings. Leave him alone and find yourself a single man!

Reply to xxx
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/18

There' s some people on this earth I would really LOVE to throw with rocks!!

Reply to EL

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