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Question
Posted by: Kgadi | 2012-09-03

He is to scared to love and commit

I met this guy in Octover last year and we exchanged the numbers.They guy is based in MP and im in JHB and we have been calling each other daily ever since we met.I have developed feelings for him and i do not want to entretain that feeling as we still need to sit down as i need him to clarify some issues for me first as the guy is a divorcee and i have never been married.
It seems as if he has fallen inlove with me too but he has never told me he loves me but i can judge from his actions that the man is into me.
The problem is whenever he called me and find my cellphone without a good reception.He jump into conclusions that i have switched the phone off and kept myself busy with other men.and he became very upset and he tells me that i made his nights very sleepless.the next morning or next day when i call him he will tell me all sorts of stories crying and breaking my heart saying that he has been betrayed a lot in his life and left by women heartbroken.So he said he had at last find someone matured and ready to settle down with and he is afraid things will turns bad again.So i dont know if i should be in a relationship with a man who sounds to be scared of committing.I understand him clearly so how can i help him to get over his fears and show him i love him so much and im ready to wipe away his tears and make him happy again.I do not even know how i will do that as we are two provinces apart.Please advise me i love him so much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As people so often find, long-distance relationships are very hard to maintain, especially if you didn't know each other really well before parting. Its not a good sign that he seems to want to rush things, and is already over-controlling and needlessly jealous. This isn't likely to get better if you continue in a relationship with him.
It sounds as though he still has a great deal of emotional baggage left over from his previous relationship, and he's probably not yet ready to enter on a comfortable relationship with another woman.
Frankly, though you're a caring person, you're not a psychotherapist, and are not likely to be able to solve his problems for him - better to encourage him to see a counsellor on his own to work on these.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-09-03

As people so often find, long-distance relationships are very hard to maintain, especially if you didn't know each other really well before parting. Its not a good sign that he seems to want to rush things, and is already over-controlling and needlessly jealous. This isn't likely to get better if you continue in a relationship with him.
It sounds as though he still has a great deal of emotional baggage left over from his previous relationship, and he's probably not yet ready to enter on a comfortable relationship with another woman.
Frankly, though you're a caring person, you're not a psychotherapist, and are not likely to be able to solve his problems for him - better to encourage him to see a counsellor on his own to work on these.

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