advertisement
Question
Posted by: Angel | 2012-06-04

He is so bad for me ....

I have a friend (male) who has brought out feelings in me I wish I did not have (romanticfeelings)! We live quite far apart (we text each other most of the time), we have had huge fights, have broken off our friendship, only to make up weeks later! I feel more for him than just friendship, but will never tell him as it might destroy what we have! When we fight, we have good fights and when we are friends, we have the best of times, laughing and chatting. He is a strange person really, he can be happy one minute and sullen, unapproachable, rude, nasty and unfriendly the next. He gets really angry with me when I ask him what''s bothering him and then a few days later will send me text messages to tell me how sick he is feeling and that he cannot deal with the pain anymore (serious back injury in motorcycle accident some years ago). I try at all times to be sympathetic towards him and listen to his stories, but sometimes his moodswings get me down (he suffers from depression, but don''t know if he is still taking prescribed meds) and I start feeling miserable and unhappy. I so badly want to be there for him in the good times and the bad, but sometimes I feel as though I want to crack. However, due to the way I feel about him, I cannot bring myself to tell him to take a hike! I would rather put up with his nonsense than not have him in my life at all.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Are those romantic feelings realistic ? Its easiest to feel them about someone at a distance, when they're not immediately around to be different from what you're imagining.
If you feel fond of him but feel sure you cant tell him without this "destroying what we have", isn't there something odd about what you DO have ? Doesnt this suggest that you feel fairly sure he doesnt feel about you the way you feel about him ?
People's mood may vary naturally, or as a result of psych problems - but that's not an excuse for being rude and nasty. He needs to be encouraged to see the appropriate specialist to help with his problems of depression and pain ( depression is a potent amplifier of pain from whatever other source )and get these properly treated.
If he is failin to get the proper advice, or to take it, there's not much point in sympathizing, or in allowing him to treat you badly as a result of s situation which, to the extent that it is inadequatrly treated, is indeed his choice and his fault.
its not at all clear what positive he contributes to you by being in your life -have you ever thought about this seriously ?Do you really not feel able just to let this relationship fade out, and to form other more healthy and positive relationships ? He can't be your only chance for friendship or more.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Michaela | 2012-06-05

she probably does not expect nasty comments from other readers either ... Angel be there for your friend, accept him with his moodswings and give your support where needed.

Reply to Michaela
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-06-05

Are those romantic feelings realistic ? Its easiest to feel them about someone at a distance, when they're not immediately around to be different from what you're imagining.
If you feel fond of him but feel sure you cant tell him without this "destroying what we have", isn't there something odd about what you DO have ? Doesnt this suggest that you feel fairly sure he doesnt feel about you the way you feel about him ?
People's mood may vary naturally, or as a result of psych problems - but that's not an excuse for being rude and nasty. He needs to be encouraged to see the appropriate specialist to help with his problems of depression and pain ( depression is a potent amplifier of pain from whatever other source )and get these properly treated.
If he is failin to get the proper advice, or to take it, there's not much point in sympathizing, or in allowing him to treat you badly as a result of s situation which, to the extent that it is inadequatrly treated, is indeed his choice and his fault.
its not at all clear what positive he contributes to you by being in your life -have you ever thought about this seriously ?Do you really not feel able just to let this relationship fade out, and to form other more healthy and positive relationships ? He can't be your only chance for friendship or more.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Curious............ | 2012-06-04

As you have decided you would rather put up with his nonsense than not have him in your life, what exactly are you expecting from CS as a reply?

Reply to Curious............

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement