Posted by: Pinky-Pinky | 2013-01-24

He is hiding things from me

I met this guy last year Sept and it was a long distance relationship where sometimes it becomes difficult to see if the person u involved with is telling the truth or telling a lie because to me to know a person u need to be bit closer to him.he was in limpopo and me in Joburg and the relationship was fine as we were communicating everyday with every means that is available,everything happens so fats and towards the beginning of December he said that he is not coping well with the distance and he needs to relocate and be close to me,That was a good idea however there was questions like what is he going to do with his job and where is he going to stay,He said he will resign and look for other job,and about accomodtaion he said he will temporarily stay with his old schoo friend,
He did all that he moved from Limpopo come to Joburg and move in with his friend. i think he was not employed in the first place and he doesnt wanna tell me ,and now he is next to me and we see each other when we have time as he is travelling too much going for meetings and interviews in different places that includes other provinces like Mpumalanga and Free State.So my problem is whenever we together he doesnt wanna make love to me,I mean he makes excuses to miss good chances of spending some nights with me and when he visists me he is always in a hurry he spend few hours with me and leave to his friend or sisters place, when i tell him i miss him he says he miss me too and he is asking me to give him time and settle then we will have good time together because he moved from his place to be with me,
He has alreday started asking money from me and i dont know what i should do because i told him that i am battling to make ends meet as im earning lower salary ,I do not know if i should share the last cent with him and im asking myself questions that since that he was working where is the money that might be of benefits from previous job, and whenever i do my analysis the man was not working and he is scared to tell me, and i even doubt him as he finished his school as he said he an advocate by profession.I asked him on several occasions to email me his CV so that i can have it and help with the job searching and he never responded surely thinking that i will see all that he is hinding about employment history and education and i just kept quite and tell myself that he will find the job on his own ways.

My other concern is how on earth could a man miss a chance to be with the woman in bed? Especialy the woman who inspired him to move from his town to the her town just to be with her,so somewhere they dont add up as his actions confused me.and i dont even know how will i find out if he is telling the truth or telling lie because i sometimes sit with him down and ask him if there is something that he is not telling me and that he knows i need to know and he said no.So the fact that he misses chances to be with me makes me thinks he is either way around as to wether he enjoys sharing a bed with me or not,or maybe is doubting his perfomance in bed as i had onced made love to him and his erection was not good and maybe he is ashamed of that or is he still dealing with that to be a man enough to satisfy a woman in bed or? all what i se here its just a hypocrite but somewhere i become confused and ask myself if can he realy relocate if he does not have any feelings for me? How can u help me to see the light here im in the dark about this man.

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Our expert says:
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These really long messages need editing down !
You've noticed some of the reasons why long-distance relationships are difficult, especially if you don't know the person really well before the distance became a factor.
The indirect communications you can use may get by where there is a good level of knowledge of each other, and an existing strong relationship, but as you've found, it doesnt otherwise satisfy - you cant see him speaking, and assess the situation for yourself. Its easy to life and fake things by these pethods, whether Skype, calls, SMS, whatever.
As you say, you don't really know if he had a job in the first place when you first met, and iys foolish for him to give up a job ( if he actually had one ) and move to Joburg without having found a job there FIRST.
Dont give him any money. You don't need to buy friendship, and its his responsibility to at least look after himself. And what was he point of him moving to Joburg to be near you, when he's now looking for jobs in other provinces ?
It seems as though you don't really know whether he has one or more other women active in his life, either.
He should have been proud to show you his CV. And it sounds highly unlikely that he's an advocate. It would surely not be SO hard for him to get a job with a qualification like that.
It doesnt sound as though he is being frank and open with you, and maybe you need to trust your instincts. Don't you deserve more than this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: kgee | 2013-01-24

he is like jackaal wearing a sheep spot,if he really luvs u he will b honest with u,hw the hell he can lie abt being advocate and u just resign today and tomrw he is broke,he should cum clean n tell u the truth n west part he doesnt hv time for u do u think he is the parson u think he is?no i dont think so your relationship will b based on lies so plz dont waste ur time with this guy,i understend maybe u a desperate for relationship butnot like this.all de best

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Posted by: DAN | 2013-01-24


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