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Question
Posted by: CN | 2010-01-14

He is ashamed of us

Before his friends met me, my husband told them I was Spanish or Mexican or whatever...when I' m just a regular south african girl! Then when we started working, he told people I was manager at my company, when I was just a junior there.He told me his mom was a docter (before I met her), his mom is actually a retired nurse.He tells people our kids go to some expensive private school, when they are in a normal governement school in our neighbourhood.He has even sent out via e mail pictures of the house,a huuuggeee one at that " we are moving to"  in March!!! It gets embarrassing at times because people will catch me off guard and I don' t want to make him look bad in front of others, I never talk to him about it but it makes me wonder if we aren' t good enough for him, ir if he is ashamed of us?It also makes me wonder what else he lies about, and the funny thing is he doesn' t get why I don' t trust anything he says...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like h's a fantasist, not attending to and enjoying reality, but always feeling it needs to be embroadered and made fancier. Often related to low self-esteem, which can be helped by sklillful counselling, IF he will acknowledge the problem and sincerely seek help for it.
It's not that any of you aren't good enough for him, but that he starts with such a low opinion of himself that nothing real in his life feels good enough to make up for what he feels is his basic inadequacy.
It sounds as though these lies form a consistent pattern, and he might be trustworthy in other respects.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Boon | 2010-01-15

talk to him, he must know that you are aware of all his lies.

Reply to Boon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-15

Sounds like h's a fantasist, not attending to and enjoying reality, but always feeling it needs to be embroadered and made fancier. Often related to low self-esteem, which can be helped by sklillful counselling, IF he will acknowledge the problem and sincerely seek help for it.
It's not that any of you aren't good enough for him, but that he starts with such a low opinion of himself that nothing real in his life feels good enough to make up for what he feels is his basic inadequacy.
It sounds as though these lies form a consistent pattern, and he might be trustworthy in other respects.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Bongi | 2010-01-14

Wow, this is scary. I think he needs help. He is not ashamed of you, he is ashamed of himself. He wishes he was able to send the kids to private school. He wishes his mom was a doctor, etc. It is really sad. How old is he? Could it be a mid-life crisis where people start looking at their " under-achievements"  and getting worried that time is passing them by without achieving?

Reply to Bongi

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