Posted by: Confused | 2009-04-17

He doesn' t allow me 2 move on


My ex left me 4 another girl but he keeps sending me sms' e and phones me. I admit that i played my part in him leaving me and is really trying hard to accept it and to move on. It is hard to accept that i made a mistake and very hard 2 4give myself 4 the part i played in the breakup, but i' m trying. He was a sweet guy when we met and i played a part in turning him into a the " monster"  he is today (only realising it now). I just wanted him to realise that he should stop let everyone walk over him, and treat him like a child, not realising that i did the same thing and he got fed up with me.

In the messages and during our phone calls he tells me he wants me back and he loves me, and that he made a mistake, but then the next day he tells me that he decided that he' s not comming back 2 me. Over the weekend he asked me to marry him, but when i phoned him the next day he said he was drunk but that he felt that way at that moment, but he' s not comming back. During phone calls he tells me he wants to be with me with all his heart, but the reason 4 not comming back is " complicated" . This is really affecting me so bad. I' m really trying to move on then he does this and then all my hard work in trying to accept and forgive just goes down the drain. I love him still and want him back, cause i want a 2nd change to love and appreciate him much better. He tells me he wants to be friends at least, because he doesn' t want me to not be a part of his life. He told me the other day that he doesn' t want 2 leave her and come back 2 me, cause then everybody else will be right, cause people told him that he will leave his new girl and come back 2 me. He also said that he wants to proove 2 everyone and himself that he can cope without me, (because i supported him financially). These words are eating away at me, cause he rather choses 2 stay with this girl to proove a point, but still loving me wanting to be with me. He told me that he knows he will come 2 me.He told me he is confused and doesn' t know what to do about the whole situation and why he is doing all this.What do i make of this? Everytime i feel like i' m on the right track he does something like this. I told him he is hurting me by doing this but he keeps on telling me he really loves me and wants 2 be with me with all his heart. What do i do? What do i make of this? I' m seeing a counsellor 2 try and help me becoming a better person, but i feel like the therapy is not helping cause this keeps througing me back, and i feel like the counsellor is not advising me on these issues as she is only focussing on trying to help me. What she doesn' t realise is that he is the main issue in me being who and what i am. I am so confused and feels like i' m going crazy. I feel weak and I' m really struggling to fight this on my own. I tried to tell my ex to leave me alone and not bother me, but this has been happening ever since the day we broke up. I thought that i should phone his girlfriend and tell her about all this but i don' t know whether that would help. Please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Guys, this week we're getting long and longer and more and more complex messages about complex relationship problems that really can't be dealt with online --- in each case you need to get into couples counselling and work on the details TOGETHER. Espeially in a stuation like this where neither of you seems to know what you want

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: MM | 2009-04-17

If a man wants you, NOTHING, will keep him away!
move on and get this parasite out of your life!

Reply to MM
Posted by: Soul | 2009-04-17

He needs to figure oit what he wants for himself not what others will think of him. He needs to make a decision and stick to it. Going back and forth isn' t helping anyone. As far as I' m concerned it' s not that difficult he either wants to be with you and have a life with you or he doesn' t, tell him to get his act together.

Sorry to say this but you are allowing him to hurt you, the only one that is keeping you from moving on is you. You have the choice to take his calls and read his sms' s. You could also change your number to avoid further contact with him.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Mel | 2009-04-17

Its simple, he doesnt want you but doesnt want anyone else to have you either! Move on, forget about this guy, sounds as if he is a manipulator, confusing you like this. Stop blaming yourself with the " wrongs"  that you did, its in the past. What he is doing is far worse. Get him out of your llife, he is " playing"  with you.

Reply to Mel

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