Posted by: dubs | 2010-09-28

he does not have a job

when I married him he had a temporary job,i thought things would get better for him..he struggles to find a decent job who will pay him a good salary.I managed to further my studies which makes me more fortunate than him,meaning i have a better job.we thought that he should try doing a small business, he is not educated-He stopped the not paying job and started a small business with the support of mine (finance) the business did not do well and we had to close it down.basically he now does not have income.I nOW living with the fact that I must support him and our daughter I am exhausted of working overtime to get extra money and i can no longer take it emotionally and financially.I am so drained that I want to even get out of this relationship, part of me says that he is not trying hard enough,is he using the fact that I am able to cover up all the costs which needs to be done by money,i pay bond,creche,food etc. yet I live on overdraft.i used up all my investments,credit cards to meet him halfwaye.g petrol money,money to buy newspapers to look fo jobs/faxing.what do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageFamily law expert

I can't decide for you what to do, ultimately the decision to divorce is personal and only you can make that decision, not me. In saying this, the situation you explained, will be valid reasons for a divorce. There are also a number of consequences, depending how you were married.

Bertus Preller
Family Law Attorney
Abrahams and Gross

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: FIO | 2010-09-29

Difficult situation.

You say part of you feels heis not trying hard enough. Is this really the case? There may be many reasons, one of which is probably lack of confidence, he does nto believe he can succeed, especially since he has to compare himself to your success. For some people this pushes them into depression and defeatist framde of mind, and its a hole that is very difficult to get out of. how does one feel motivated when everything seems to fail, and now it appears as if yourmarriage is about to faail.

But, on the other hand there are men who take the easy road knowing they can depend on their wife. The same happens with women who depend on their husbands and also never work or do anything.

before you make any decisions about anything I suggest you really dig into the real reasons for his lack of success and figure out how much of it is circumstancial, and how much of it is due to his riding the crest fo your wave.

Maybe you need a good counsellor who can evaluate the situation from an objective perspective, and offer insights that will help make decisions that either bring your marriage together through solving his success issues, or suggest an ending to the situation in order for yout o survive. At the end of the day, it seems as if yoru child is totally dependent on you, which means you arde totally responsible for her.

So you need to put yourself first so you can do whats bets for your child, and provide food, housing, education etc. Love does not cost money, so in many instanceds seperation offers a solution where you can still provide foryour child, and your child still has love from both mom and dad. But when your relationship starts to affect your emotional stability and well-being, that is often the beginning of the decline in the strength and support you ought to be providing for your child.

You are not repsonsible for your hubby, you are responsible for yourself and your child.

I suggest seek counselling, from someone who is really good, has a good reputation, and is able to be objective. Fromt here decide which route to take.

Good luck!

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