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Question
Posted by: Disgusted | 2008/07/07

He disgusts me.

Ex-boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of the year because he was cheating on me and decided that he wanted to be with the other women. It was hard for me because I had to move out and find a place to stay etc. Initially I really hated what he did to me and I even suffered depression. We have a child together and even kept my child away from him. As time went along I decided that the best way to carry on with my life was to become independant again and forget about men in general. My ex then decided that he didnt want to see our child which was fine with me. For the last 2 months we didnt see each other at all - this was good for me because it allowed me to start forgetting about my past and I am now back to the person I used to me. Then 1 week ago the ex turns up and tells me that he wants to see his daughter, I allowed this because I know that she misses him alot. I made it clear that this was about our daughter and that nothing will be said about our failed relationship. Which he agreed. Then he started flirting with me and even taking me to work in the morning. I walk to work and he just turns up and stops at the side of the road. Yesterday morning he calls me to tell me that he wants to come over to see his child, I then told him okay but I was planning to go out. He said that he would be there in an hour, that was at 09h00. At 15h00 I phoned him and told him that he was being rude because he could have told me that he wasnt going to turn up and that it was too late for me to do anything. I dont ever call him!!! He couldnt really talk. Then he tells me he is with his girlfriend and I just hung up. This morning he sms's me and tells me he was playing me and that he is inlove with girlfriend and that i should leave him alone and stop trying to run his life. This makes me angry because I didnt call him and he was the one who came back begging me to let him have another. I dont want to go into a court battle with this person, I've told him to leave me alone but he doesnt get the picture.

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Our expert says:
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As regards his access to his daughter, what really matters is what is best for her, and that is usually to encourage reasonable access. But go to the Maintenance Court and ensure that he pays enough regular maintenance, too, for the sake of the child. That doesn't need "a court battle" as the court is there to decide what the child needs, not to let him bother you. And if he calls about anything other than access to the child, end the call when i t starts to get personal, and also make it clear that access should be on a regular, routine and predictable basis, not just now and then when the fancy strikes him
DOn't allow him to flirt or toy with you --- he chose to cheat and leave you, and can't expect you to accomodate him when, perhps, the other relationship might not be working out perfectly for him.

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