Posted by: Charlene | 2009-03-11

He changed

My bf and I have been 2gether for 4 years. When we met we were both very bruised , he was using drugs, he didn’ t have anything. He didn' t care about himself or his appearance. And I just got out of a very emotional abusive relationship. During the past 4 years that we have been 2gether we helped each other through a very rough time in our lives. I helped him to stop using drugs, I gave him everything i could from money to buying him clothes, and just the emotional support he needed to help get over using drugs and to help him get back his self confidence. He also helped me get over my heart ache, my ex has caused me. There were times when I would cry about my ex and he would hold me in his arms, telling me that everything will be okay. He was there 4 me when I needed someone to love me and to hold me the most and I was there 4 him. We got 2gether with lots of emotional baggage , but we fell in love and love each other .
December 2007 i broke up with him, because he started to disrespect me and our relationship. We were separated 4 about 4 months and during those 4 months he never left me alone for 1 day. He send me sms' s, he called me, came by my house, wrote me letters begging me to take him back. I realized how empty and lonely my life was without him and how much i really loved him. We got back 2gether and at 1st everything was fine, but then everything just got back 2 the way it was, but this time around i had fell even harder 4 him, so the option of leaving him again was very hard to even think about. We have been through so much 2gether but we stayed 2gether because we love each other.
He met new friends (girls) at the new job he started earlier this year and he' s attitude 2wards me &  our relationship totally changed. The past 2 months has been a very sad and lonely time 4 me. He makes empty promises and disappoints me. I see him once or twice a week. He lies , he doesn’ t take me out with him and If I confront him about it, he says I’ m over reacting.I feel like he is stringing me along cause why doesn' t he just leave me if he doesn' t want 2 be with me. i asked him this and he just said he loves me. I asked him the other day if he still want to same stuff out of our relationship that he wanted a year ago, and told me yes he’ s going to marry me, and yes we are going to be have a family, but when asked if he still wants to be with other girls, he paused and said he won’ t tell me that. A few months ago I asked him the same questions and he said with no doubt that he only wants to be with me. Lately I feel that the way and reason how we got 2gether has a very big influence on our relationship now, and feels that the reason why he doesn’ t want to let me go is because he feels obligated to be with me. I asked him about his change and he told me that maybe his just going through a faze and that things will get better. How do I deal with his faze of treating me the way he wants to and expecting me to be fine about it. I feel like now that he has everything, I’ m not good enough anymore. He tells me that he loves me, but that’ s it. He doesn’ t show me he loves me. I don’ t want to let him go, I love him, he knows me and I know him. Should I just accept that this is a faze or should I start thinking about letting him go? Please help I really need your advice and point of view on this.

Thanks in advance.

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Our expert says:
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Why have the pair of you, if you feel that maybe you ought to be together in the long-term, worked with a relationship / couples counsellor ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009-03-11

The it hurts alot and being unsure is inlove part.........its hard, took me about 5 years to get over him, but trust me its worth it, I use to always ask God why do I suffer and he carries on like I never happened in his life, but life is a full circle what you do onto others comes back to you 3 fold! I got him to where he is today, financially he is way better off than me now from nothing but not content, but I know for sure I am way better off without him!

Reply to D
Posted by: Charlene | 2009-03-11

To " Really"  what you have said touched me. No one has ever explained this to me in such a way. A lot of stuff makes sense now. Thank u.

To " D"  I know and feel i must let go, but it is so hard and it hurts a lot. Then on the other hand i feel that i should hold on. I' m so confused about what to do and it really affects me. I feel so useless and insecure.

Thnks 4 the advice.


Reply to Charlene
Posted by: D | 2009-03-11

Its time to leave and let go, he probably does feel obligated and just says he loves you because he knows thats what you want to hear...just sounds like a long realtionship I had once.....quite similar!

Reply to D
Posted by: Really | 2009-03-11



People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

Reply to Really

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