Posted by: Worried | 2009-01-26

Having a Bi experience before marriage

I am married now for a year, and it came out that I gave another man a BJ when I was a lot younger. I have not really any desire to do it again, but the fact that I did it freaks my wife out. I didnt want to lie and when she asked me if I liked doing it I said yes. This is now some sort of problem in our relationship. What to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I assume that the problem is related to her fears that you are in fact gay or might leave her for a man (or have sex with men whilst married), rather than that you never told her this and she now feels she can't trust you (another possibility which may have a whole different set of responses!).
Many people fear that enjoyment of sexual activity with the same sex by definition makes that person homosexual. I don't believe that this is the case necessarily; it takes much more to being homosexual than enjoying a sexual experience with a person of the same sex...If you are in fact a committed husband who has no wish to pursue sexual activities with anyone else, then you need to reassure her of that - from this perspective it doesn't matter whether your previous partner was male or female! If however, you are uncertain yourself, then perhaps you could give this some thought with a counsellor to help you to clarify your own thinking in this regard...

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Our users say:
Posted by: Steve | 2009-01-26

Perhaps you need to see this in its proper perspective.

You may be bisexual, but giving some guy a blow job was definitely a homosexual act, cos it wasn' t a heterosexual one.

Now perhaps you can see why it is causing trouble in your marriage.

Reply to Steve
Posted by: JJ | 2009-01-26

Many people, I guess about 70% experiment with someone of the same sex at some point. Usually in the years where you find out about sexuality and start playing with it.

SO! It is not unheard of but still taboo for some people.

You silly boy!!! Some thing are better to be kept to yourself!

Reply to JJ
Posted by: Lou | 2009-01-26

HECTIC. Sometimes it is better not to ask a question if you are not prepared to hear the answer.

But dude, seriously, you should have just lied and said no.

Also, how did that ' just come out' ?

Reply to Lou
Posted by: Anon | 2009-01-26

Gees dude, There are really some things which you need to keep to yourself!!! This could really ruin your marrage

Reply to Anon

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