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Question
Posted by: Adele | 2008/10/23

Hauting Past

My husbands family were very wealthy people including his mother. He and his mother are very close, to close. His mother lost everything because of gambling. In her bad financial time he was like a husband to her, he was taking care of her, but in the prosess he lost everything as well because of her gambling problem.

She is not married, she is devorced. Then he met me and he moved on with his life with me and his mother went on with her life on her own. Things are not getting better for his mother financially and we can not support her 100% in her finances because we have our own home to take care of.

The money that we do help her with she gambled it all out or it is to little to help her get out of her financial mess.

Now 1. It is killing my husband to see his mother like that and not being able to help her. Since this has started its seems he is so confused and the past, the way thing where when times was good is making him crazy.

He keeps going back and forward in the past. He does things like just taking off driving around the wholle night until early mornings and he borrows money from people and never pays it back so that he can help her. Witch makes big trouble for all.

When I ask him why he is doing it he says that he can not take it seeing his mother like that and then old past memory' s keeps coming up his childhood memory' s comes up as well. This process keeps happening over and over and over and it is not helping his morther of any of us it is making this worse. He seems so desperate. I am doing my best to give him all the support I can. Helping where ever I can. One can only do as mush and it does not sink into his head.

2. His family is trying to brake us up so that he can go back to his mother to take care of her, and that is also making him crazy he lies and does strange thing and when you ask him why he say he does not know and then just takes about the past again. We can really not help his mother anymore that what we are helping her already, it is impossible. Our own home will definitly be in big trouble and we will loose everything. His mothers family does not want to help her because of the trouble she make when she gambled. His mother does not ask for help she damands help we have to !

Now what to do how do I help my husband it is making him crazy he does not sleep at night at all so now he takes things the help him stay awake during the day so he can work. He lies, our finances is suffering very badly because off all of this. His is CRAZY! and this is only the beginning of my storie.

What to do ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If she has, as it sounds, a severe gambling problem, you should not help her with cash. If you want to and can help at all, do so by paying some of her bills, in whole or in part. And if he feels bad about her problem, he should strongly press her to see a shrink and have the problem treated --- enabling her to continue gambling is only making things worse. Giving her cash, his own or someone elses ( even worse ) is like giving booze to an alcoholic. It is making things WORSE for her and not helping at all.
I expec the rest of the family wants to feed this unwholesome process, so he can go and care for her and they can avoid takiing their share of the responsibility for helping her. That is unacceptable. It sounds as though he himself rather urgently needs to see a shrink, with you providing the shrink with proper background information, so he can also get help.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Posted by: Dyenlayelty | 2009/01/13

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Reply to Dyenlayelty
Posted by: Adele | 2008/10/27

Thank you for the advise. I did stop in giving her cash I do pay her accounts, but my husband goes out selling his things and lending money form/to people and then takes the money to go and gamble himself because he think he might win something and the be able to help her. In doing so he just puts all of us in trouble. Can he not see what gambling did to his mother? how do this " gambling people"  think ?

She has such a bad attitude regarding very thing. She demands that you help her the way sees fit and it is so unpleasant to be in her company. She does not see that she is in this mess because of her own actions it is very body else' s fault but hers.

How do I find a very good Shrink? I do not know of one and would like to find a very good one. I am in the Johannesburg area.

Reply to Adele
Posted by: ? | 2008/10/23

Have you tried contacting the NCR? National Credit Regulator. Maybe have a look at their website. I know that they offer advice on dealing with bad debts. Maybe she needs to liquidate all her assets, and the NCR can assist her in doing so. Visit their website...

But once her financial situation starts to look stable, you guys have got to stop helping her. Is there any way of stopping her from gambling? Does she go to a casino? Maybe try and put some form of control in place with that regard. Maybe send her for rehabilitation. Your husband may fight the idea, but she needs to rid herself of her addiction with gambling, otherwise this problem will persist.

Good luck.

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