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Question
Posted by: HATER | 2008/07/31

HATRED

Even though I am on anti-depressants and consultated counsellors, I still cannot get over the hatred for my ex-boyfriend and his family. I know that we as mere mortals cannot just wish people to disappear, but sometimes I sit here and hope that he and his family would just die. We were together for 2 and a half years, and I gave him my life and a beautiful baby, then he walked out on me and our child. When we broke up he was openly showing off his new girlfriend, he used to tell me that I' m fat during our relationship and his new girlfriend was 3 times bigger than me. I hate what he did to me , he used me financially, emotionally, His family took advantage of my good nature and I would drive them up and down, now I no longer have a car and they see me walking on the street to work and they wont even pick me up. I hate him so much that I wish he could die. I never want to see him again, he doesnt support my baby so it wont be any loss in my life. Right now I am so consumed by hate its making my stomach turn.

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Our expert says:
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You need a better trained and experienced counsellor / therapist, to help you realize how your continuing to cling to this hatred harms you and not him. Let him and his family be dead TO YOU --- live as though they don't exist any more, and don't give them the power over you which your hatred gives them. From your description, he was a louse -- celebrate being rid of him. And move on with the rest of your life, without insisting on contaminting it by remembering him.
But do go to the Maintenance COurt and have the court order him to pay reasonable maintenance for the child --- then he wil have to do so.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Petra | 2008/08/01

" Vengeance is mine"  sayeth the Lord " I will repay" . Please remember the wheel turns slowly but surely. He will have his day. I know its hard but try to find peace somehow because while you are losing sleep over him, he is carrying on with his life. Your hatred will eat you up like acid - is this what you want? Forget about him and move on - I know its easier said than done because you feel hurt and humiliated but what goes around, comes around.

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Posted by: Wendy | 2008/08/01

As Gracie, said there is a fine line between love and hate. When my Ex and I broke up I hated him so much that I even had got a " connection"  set up so that he could go around do serious damage to him (my ex abused me mentally, physically, financially etc). It took me a long time to get over that. I will always not like him for the way that he made me feel, but the wheel turns. When I hear what kind of situation he is in it just makes me laugh! Because I am the better person and he still blames me for being a better person. Hang in there. Start a journal if need be, and write all your feelings down. Don' t go back to read them but just carry on from a new page. That also helps. Good luck!

Reply to Wendy
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/07/31

One always hears that there is a very line between hatred and love - are you really over this man? Don' t allow your feelings for him to change you into the ugly person you will become - anger and hatred make people very ugly (and I am not referring to physical ugliness!) You are better off without him and his nasty family! There are so many good men out there. You will become a bitter and twisted person if you carry on the way you have - let go of him and the past. It will eat away at you and make you miserable for the rest of your life. He is probably enjoying every minute knowing how he is getting to you! Show him that you are better off without him. I promise you (and I say this because I know what you are going thru - I did not have a child with the monster tho) - you will wake up one day and ask yourself " what the hell did I see in him??" . I saw this man some 2 years ago at a shopping centre and I could not believe that I was so blind and so stupid to be involved with someone like him and I thank God that my eyes opened and I got away from him when I did! Good luck - lift your chin, look at yourself in a mirro and tell yourself how lucky you are to be rid of him and how happy you will be from now on!

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