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Question
Posted by: March | 2011/04/21

Hateful inlaws

I have been married 18 years and our marriage has had more than its fair share of ups and downs. What I cant get over is my husbands family who are always rude, jealous andf making comments about our financial situation. Just briefly, we had nothing when we got married. Everyone in his family cursed our relationship and declared our marriage doomed. His family always wanted him to give them money etc, not considering the fact that we had a baby, bond, car and other debts to cover with very low incomes. We have built ourselves up and now live a fairlly comfortable life, bothe his parents died, but the rest of his family are constantly sneering, making rude comments behind our backs and cannot wait to see us fail. I hate my husbands family and have tried to be humble, respectful and tolerant. i have had enough. He cannot stand up to them, and they dont tell me stuff to my face, but i hear horrible things via the grape vine. I dont want my kids exposed to these meanspirited beings, how do I rid myself of them? I even considered leaving him. We have never asked them for a cent and have helped the familly where we could, however, it seems like a bottomless pit or they find something else to gossip about.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some familes just seem to never approve of whoever their member marries, and enjoy sniping at the newcomer, especially if you show that it upsets you ( there;s no fun in it if you seem unconcerned ). And of course if they predicted the marriage was doomed, and it failed to fail, that'd annoy them.
And if these parasites expected him to fund them, they'd of course resent anyone else with an obviously greater claim on whatever money he and the pair of you could earn. You were a financial rival.
Can't you discuss this between you, and agree to ignore the sniping and jealous family members, and just not have contact with them ? It's not compulsory to see or hear them.
Its not up to you to be humble, respectful and tolerant - they have an equal or indeed greater duty to be thus.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Leez | 2011/04/26

Hey March. Wish I could personally e-mail you. I find myself in very much a similar situation. My husband, however, has never and will never stand his wife and kids down. Therefore, he keeps his distance, which is a plus for me! Ignore them and pretend they don''t exist, easy as that. It''s working for us, although here and there they try and creep back by targeting our children. Build that barrier sister and persevere!!

Reply to Leez
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/22

Some familes just seem to never approve of whoever their member marries, and enjoy sniping at the newcomer, especially if you show that it upsets you ( there;s no fun in it if you seem unconcerned ). And of course if they predicted the marriage was doomed, and it failed to fail, that'd annoy them.
And if these parasites expected him to fund them, they'd of course resent anyone else with an obviously greater claim on whatever money he and the pair of you could earn. You were a financial rival.
Can't you discuss this between you, and agree to ignore the sniping and jealous family members, and just not have contact with them ? It's not compulsory to see or hear them.
Its not up to you to be humble, respectful and tolerant - they have an equal or indeed greater duty to be thus.

Reply to cybershrink

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