Posted by: ou boet | 2008-12-08

hate being depressed

Hallo Doc

I am a 28 year old male.I feel very depressed.Its a lot of factors in my life that is the cause of this.I am a type of person if one thing goes wrong then i look at all the other " bad"  things in my life and then ofcause i feel depressed and wondering what did i do wrong to deserve this.

I know it sounds lame but everything started as soon as my girlfriend broke up with me.She said she needs some time.She is studying. We can try again after her exams are done wich is in March.That i really dont understand. Obviously all sorts of things are running through my head. I really love her and it seems she is JUST NOT THAT INTO ME!!

Then i have parents which is really really bad off.They live about 200km from me.I dont know where i got my brains but certainly not from them.BUT they still stay my parents.They live like people that is on the streets.My mother work as a house cleaner.but they use the money on the stranges things.Then they phone me they dont have money for food.they live in a room and i was there the other day and i could not beleive how untidy it is and how anybody can live there. I try to help but how can i keep on helping if they dont help thereselves.

I really feel very alone these days.Things where looking up a few weeks ago.I just got a grilfriend the 1st in 8 years.I paid of all my accounts.And best of all i would not be alone at xmas and new years.Now i dont have anybody anymore so it will be another xmas and new years alone.I hate being alone.I was sitting yesterday at home thinking, ok who can i call.And i could not think of anybody.I really dont have any real friends.The obvious question will be why i dont go home to spent xmas with my parents.Well i only see them once a year.I feel so bad when i am there.I could only stay there 90 minutes last time i was there(which was 3 weeks ago). It is not nice seeing you parents in that light.And when i am there it is not that they want to see me but they want to see what they can get out of me. It would make anybody feel bad.

Well, i just wanted somebody to talk too.Thanks for reading (listening).I know there is people with much worse things in there life than me.So if i seem a bit selfish i apologize.Its not my intention.

I hope those who have families or someone that they close to appreciate them over this festive season cause there is always someone that don' t have that luxury at all!!

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Our expert says:
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If anyone actually liked being depressed, they wopuld be truly weird. But it is, fortunately, a condition which responds well to skilled treatment. Though antidepressant meds do help, you are describing typical habits of negative thinking which would be likely to respond well to the addition of CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, a specific form of counselling / therapy with good rfesearch to show it can be very effective, with lasting benefits.
YOu seem to be shoiwng patterns like Awfulizing and catastrophizing. OK,. some people are indeed less into us than we are into them --- that isn't a disaster unless you absolutely insist that it has to be so. Maybe its because you were feeling rather desperate about not having a gf for so long, that you are clinging onto this one, rather than being prepared to move on and find someone more suited to you.
I understand yopur despair at how your parents don't seem to do even relatively simple things to help themselves, such as earning some mopeny and at least keeping their room clea.
This is a miserable time of year for lonely people, and not an easy time to make friends. WHy not explore volunteering to help local charities, hospices, hospitals, to help relieve staff and visit andf assist people more unfortunate than you and even more lonely ? That way you know you are doing good deeds, and can in fact meet some good people.
Don't feel guuilty about your parents, --- but look after, rather, more deserving people, and look to gradually make good friends for yourself.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: E. | 2008-12-08

Hi there! I know it can be very bad to be alone. Try to reach out to other people. Maybe you can visit a hispital and just sit and talk to the patients. They will appreciate it and you will feel good about yourself and you get to know more people. You know, elderly people are also lonely. Please go to your parents on christmas day. Take food with and enjoy the day with them. You will be sorry in later years when they are not around anymore to go and visit. Please, go see them?? Maybe they are lonely too?? Good luck!

Reply to E.

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