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Question
Posted by: John Doe | 2011/12/22

Harassment

With the fear of being mocked I feel I need to request your opinion.

I worked for a very long time for a company. Both my managers were female.
During this period - more than 10 years - I was constantly exposed to sexual harassment by these managers.
Small little things and once even once a groping incident.
I since resigned from the company.

How would something like this impact me?
The reason why I am asking this is because I suffer from depression as well as guilt.
Are there any groups that can assist males that were sexually harrassed by femals?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You shouldn't be mocked by anyone with any sense - sexual harrassment occurs in all variations. Mern harrass women, women harrass men, women garrass women, and men may harrass men.
Some women instead of seeking true liberation, seem sadly to have settled for imitating the worst features of men, and become female blokes, drinking, swearing and groping like the worst of men.
As in any harrassment case, some might object that you put up with it for years, but yharrassment is as much about power ( the the power to force someone who really needs the job ) to accept your advances, as it has to do with sex.
Nobody can predict how it might affect you, as we all vary in our responses. Victims of abuse and harrassment do quite often learn to blame themselves and feel guilty even when it wasn;t their fault.
THe more important poiont ios that if you are suffering from depression, whether or not it has anything to do with your experiences of harrassment, you should see a good local psychologist who can offer CBT therapy / counselling for depression, and within that you could also explore your reactions to these events, and revise how you are choosing to react to them.
I didagree with Romany ( unusually ) about how "airtight" any of our laws are - out constitution and many laws are impressive and lovely - but in practice many aspects of them are never or rarely actually available especially to the people who most need them.
And "prove you are innocent" - don't you realie how hard that is for even the most innocent of people to do ?

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7
Our users say:
Posted by: WB | 2012/03/05

Dear John,
Isn''t it amazing how ignorant people are?! I guess until it happens to you, personally, you really don''t have any idea how it impacts your life. As for the snide, rude comments - forget them, they''re not worth the cyberspace they were written on. May I suggest that you seek immediate medical help for your depression. Whether it is brought on by what happened to you in the workplace, or not, is irrelevant.
I acknowledge how brave you are to seek help and I''m sure you want to put this behind you as quickly as possible. If you choose to take the legal route, you are quite possibly in for a battle, considering the time it took you to report the issue (you don''t really mention whether you reported it), but if you need to make peace with the situation and what happened to you, I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to seek help from a qualified professional. In the meantime, there are support groups for people who struggle with depression and you might want to contact them. Here are the details: South African Depression &  Anxiety Group (sadag.org). To find a Support Group in your area, phone SADAG on (011) 262 6396 / SMS31393. I suspect if you sms them, they will call you. Another avenue might be: Dr Reddy''s Help Line 0800 21 22 23 (Hours 8am to 8pm 365 days a year) Don''t suffer in silence, you can beat this! Best of luck to you, blessings WB

Reply to WB
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/12/22

u must be incredibly hot to be sexually harrased for 10 years...............

Romany brings up some good points, cant help thinking this is more wishful thinking but if true follow CS comments.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Romany | 2011/12/22

Yes, women who accept sexual harassment and do not report is are accepting the harassment as far as I am concerned.
We have an " air tight" Labour law. One of the best in the world.
" John"  had no need to resign, but he did have the law to turn to.
" Stigma" ? - prove that you are innocent and he who laughs last will laugh loudest.
No longer does men alone hold the Power positions in the workplace so why assume that only women are sexually harassed?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: James | 2011/12/22

Romany thats harsh as one doesnt know the situation, maybe " John"  could not afford to resign earlier?? Also the stigma attached to sexual harassment is that it always perpetrated by males. Jokes will always go around that males would like to be harassed in this way but everyone is different and all might not enjoy it.

If " John"  did enjoy it or find it acceptable that he must decide but bearing with something does not mean acceptance. The same would apply then for women who are abused and dont report it, does it make it acceptable then? I think not.

Reply to James
Posted by: Romany | 2011/12/22

The law recognises " sexual harassment"  there is no difference between male and female sexual harassment.
Why did you not take the matter to the CCMA the very first time this happened? Very odd I think?
You " tolerated"  this for 10 years? Either you enjoyed this or you are very stupid sir, with all due respect.
You ask " how would something like this impact on me?"  Personally I think, as you found this acceptable for 10 years, without ever having the urge or seeing the need to take action against this, it will not impact you at all.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Motlalentwa | 2011/12/22

Ja Nee, they must have been fat ugly women for you to feel like this.

Reply to Motlalentwa
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/22

You shouldn't be mocked by anyone with any sense - sexual harrassment occurs in all variations. Mern harrass women, women harrass men, women garrass women, and men may harrass men.
Some women instead of seeking true liberation, seem sadly to have settled for imitating the worst features of men, and become female blokes, drinking, swearing and groping like the worst of men.
As in any harrassment case, some might object that you put up with it for years, but yharrassment is as much about power ( the the power to force someone who really needs the job ) to accept your advances, as it has to do with sex.
Nobody can predict how it might affect you, as we all vary in our responses. Victims of abuse and harrassment do quite often learn to blame themselves and feel guilty even when it wasn;t their fault.
THe more important poiont ios that if you are suffering from depression, whether or not it has anything to do with your experiences of harrassment, you should see a good local psychologist who can offer CBT therapy / counselling for depression, and within that you could also explore your reactions to these events, and revise how you are choosing to react to them.
I didagree with Romany ( unusually ) about how "airtight" any of our laws are - out constitution and many laws are impressive and lovely - but in practice many aspects of them are never or rarely actually available especially to the people who most need them.
And "prove you are innocent" - don't you realie how hard that is for even the most innocent of people to do ?

Reply to cybershrink

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