Posted by: HJ | 2009-03-03

Had more than enough

I have been the soft target of our family for many years now. I am 25 years old and still live with my parents. I do not know what it is like to live my own life, cause i have never been allowed to have my own life. My parents (especially my mom) has been using me to rectify her past mistakes. Letting my two younger sisters do as they please, but forcing me and using emotional blackmail on me to get her way. I am not allowed to do anything without her consent and not even allowed to make my own decissions. I have lost all my close and dear friends and the only reason i wake up in the morning the past few months, is the wonderful man in my life. If it wasn' t for him, i wouldn' t want to live anymore. What for? No one wants me or let me be. They simply critisize and break me down. I simply cannot take it anymore. I had more than enough. How can i tell my parents to let go and leave me be? How can i let them know that it is time i make my own decissions, no matter what they feel would be the " right thing"  to do. I have my own life, why can' t they just accept it?

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Our expert says:
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You are indeed old enough to be as independent as you wish. Why do you allow your parents to keep you at home --- you can walk out and get your own place any time you wish to do so. Can't this wonderful man in your life help you to find a place of your own ? Even a single room in which you can be free, would be better than a mansion where you can't. From the sound of it there's be no point in telling your paents to treat you better, as they'll hardly take advice from you however right you might be. ell them you're moving out, irrespective of what they think about the idea. See a counsellor tohelp you plan to do this wisely and well

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Our users say:
Posted by: Can' t or Won' t ? | 2009-03-04

That' s the question. At 25 you have to ask yourself what are the benefits of staying at home under these conditions or moving out with your man and being your own person ? Obviously its comfortable at home, folks doing all the mundane household requirements, cooking, seeing that there is water and lights etc, not that you are not contributiing, but it is a whole lot easier and less trouble to find your own place and doing for yourself, BUT not nearly as exciting and self rewarding as finding you own place and being you. Its entirely up to you. Go on, make the move !!

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Posted by: independence day | 2009-03-03

Pluck up the courage, do some planning and start to take control of your life - remove your parents/mother from the decision making process - begin by spending more time away from home , even while you live there, after work go out for a drink or watch a movie - make it your priority just not to be around, over weekends go clubbin until at least 4 in the that for two weeks and see the reaction you get THEN sit them down and lay down the law - YOUR LAW.

Two things will happen from the above, either they kick you out or they fear losing you again and tighten their grip on you..both would be good results and a better outcome than the way it is now because once you have begun the process of recognizing their obsessive abusive behaviour toward you and you have let them clearly know that it wont continue, you can finally break free from the chains your family have put you in.

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