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Question
Posted by: wondering | 2010/03/11

guy decides after 1month he doesnt want to marry me

My guy is scared of commitment. He has now told me that he cannot see himself asking me to marry him. Isnt 1 month too short a time to decide this?

He has not been in a relationship yet so I believe he is scared of commitment and not being able to always do his own thing.

Please advise me on what my mindset should be now to deal with this gracefully?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

One month from when ? One month after first meeting you - no, not at all hasty - it's far too early to be thinking of marriage. One month after proposing to you ? Suggests he's ambivalent and not ready to commit to anyone.
IF the relaionship itself is only a month old, then expecting a proposal or even a declaration that one is likely, sounds like and probably, to him, feels like, desperation, which is scary for any man. If you are eally keen to get married and have kids - why is this situation only arising when you are 32 ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: wondering | 2010/03/11

i did not bring up marriage, he did.

Reply to wondering
Posted by: Kent | 2010/03/11

Well expecting a proposal after a month is a bit much don''t u think? At least he is being honest with you and if you don''t like it, you should find a guy who wants to commit ... men are not turned on by wedding bells like woman are ... in fact some of them will run like hell if they hear the words, you, me, marriage and baby in the same sentence! Marriage should not even be a topic of discussion at this stage ... way too soon, way too soon! He will no doubt be running for the hills shortly!

Reply to Kent
Posted by: wondering | 2010/03/11

We have been seeing each other since december, but officialy since February.

I did not expect any proposal from him now, he just said he cannot see himself asking me to marry him in the future.

i feel it is unfair after one month to decide this. He does like me, that is kind of obvious.

but he also doesnt want to waste my time.

i just feel is throwing away something that could be great, 1 month is too quick to decide this.

Reply to wondering
Posted by: Bongi | 2010/03/11

I would have appreciated his honesty. I also asked a guy from the onset that if he decides that I don''t do it for him anymore to please tell me. But no, he decided to " show"  me, which is so much more painful. Be thankful he told you, now you know what''s what and you can make an informed decision.

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/03/11

Then he is doing you a favour. Before you get much more invested in this relationship, rather end it on good terms and move on! Otherwise you''ll end up spending good years of your life with someone with whom there is ultimately no future.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: wondering | 2010/03/11

we did tell each other in the beginning that should one of us believe the other one is not the person he/she wants to marry we should speak up. he is doing that now.

Reply to wondering
Posted by: wondering | 2010/03/11

thank you XXX for your reply.

He knows that I would like to get married and have kids as I am 32 now. He doesnt want to waste my time but when we are with each other I feel so at ease with him.

I do not deal good with breakups usually.

Reply to wondering
Posted by: XXX | 2010/03/11

You hardly know each other''s name after one month,let alone talk about marriage.If he says that now already, then you might be wasting your time with him.
Good luck

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/11

One month from when ? One month after first meeting you - no, not at all hasty - it's far too early to be thinking of marriage. One month after proposing to you ? Suggests he's ambivalent and not ready to commit to anyone.
IF the relaionship itself is only a month old, then expecting a proposal or even a declaration that one is likely, sounds like and probably, to him, feels like, desperation, which is scary for any man. If you are eally keen to get married and have kids - why is this situation only arising when you are 32 ?

Reply to cybershrink

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