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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/10/10

guilty

i know this will not be well received. i have criticised myself enough and feel really guilty already.
i am cheeting on my boyfriend and have been for nearly a year.
i fell in love with someone else and have not been able to break up with my boyfriend.
not out of a lack of trying. i know that if i told him i am cheeting on him he would understand that i dont love him in that way anymore and let me leave him, but i guess i am selfish and scared, i dont want to hurt him by telling him the truth, but by seeing this other man, i am hurting him. i am hurting them both.
my long tearm boyfriend doesnt satisfy my in any way, we dont get along in every sense of the word, he is as unhappy with me as i am with him, but we have been together for so long, its easier to be together than apart.
the new man in my life, is everything that i dream of, he has his down falls like we all do, but we are so good together.
i know that i am ruining my chances at both relationships and that i am a horrible person for what i am doing.
i do want to stop and make up my mind.
how can i be so twisted.
at least i am not sleeping with both of them. i have no slept with my boyfriend for months...and it does not even bother him. he has not said a word and has shown no interrest eiher.
its part of the reason why i seeks love elsewhere.
so its bovious that i know that i need to leave my boyfriend, this is destructive in every sense of the word. so why is it so hard to leave him?!
i dont even recognise myself anymore. before this i had never cheeted, i have always been cheeted on and i know how much it hurts. so why is it that i am turning into the exact person that i despise so much.
the right answer is that i should have left him and moved on if i was so unhapppy. why did i lead him on and cheat...now i am hurting two men, instead of having done the right thing when i realised it was over.
i am really this terrible human being?!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good response from Lin.
Staying with him and cheating is FAR worse than leaving him - do the more honest thing and leave. If the truth would hurt him, what do you think this current situation does ? Dithering is the worst option all round, and the one with probably the most hurt for everyone. Just do it.
You're not a terrible human being, just dithery and preferring to delay in the hope that some magical solution will arrive. It wont.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Lin | 2011/10/10

It''s hard to leave him because you''ve gotten used to him being there. You know that he''s there no matter what.

Be strong and leave him. Just do it - don''t over analyse! Do it tonight. You''ll be alot happier without the guilt dragging you down and this guy will be able to go out and find real love.

Just remember that when you decide to leave, you need to leave. Don''t let him talk you into staying or trying again. You''ve already said you dont love him and he doesn''t satisfy you in any way - so keep to your decision.

Reply to Lin
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/10

Good response from Lin.
Staying with him and cheating is FAR worse than leaving him - do the more honest thing and leave. If the truth would hurt him, what do you think this current situation does ? Dithering is the worst option all round, and the one with probably the most hurt for everyone. Just do it.
You're not a terrible human being, just dithery and preferring to delay in the hope that some magical solution will arrive. It wont.

Reply to cybershrink

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