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Question
Posted by: Lucy | 2011-03-08

Guilty

I fele really guilty!
I received some money, not alot and told my mom about it.
When I received an sms to confirm it was on my account I immediatley told her as I was excited.
Was completely broke, only had what I needed to get through the month.
I then tunred around and told her I made a mistake and read the sms wrond it was actually a debit...
If she bought it or not I''m not sure.
The reason for this was that I knew then I would have to give half to her. Which i usually do but they have put me so badly in debt, the other reason I have only just to get by every month.
I was excited because this would mean my goal time for settling all my debt would be halved.

I then falt so bad that the next day I told her I borrowed money from my bf and gave her some.
Now I sit here with the rest thinking that I should give her abit more but then also thinking I should just close one of my accounts with it. Its almost like - do I let them starve - do i pay my accounts...
The other thing is this is always going to be the case and I will never pay my debt if I keep thinking of them first. They are the reason I''m in this!!! When I think about this fact I do not feel sorry for them but I know I will afterwards.

I''ve gone for months, almost a year without buying anything for myself, instead giving my last to them and it will never end!
Them include (mother, father. a 10 and 12yr old) The reason I continue is for the little ones - its not their fault and they cant do anything about their situation so how can I just let them starve or go to school without lunch, stationery,school fees etc.
I however cannot continue this until they old enough.

Please dont even mention either of them getting a job as my mom is very ill and my dad I suppose has a mental illness.
He is seriously sick in the head but appears to be normal to everyone else.H ewill not see anyone about it however.
He would not harm anyone though, just his thoughts on how things should be and his whole outlook on life, def. warped and not normal thoughts, when you try to show him a diffirent perspective he would have none of it.

How do I get out of this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why would you HAVE to give half to your mother ? Maybe it has been your custom, and hers, to usually give her money - but you should only give what you can afford, and she should herself work, or seek a welfare grant, or otherwise support herself rather than relying entirely on herself. Your parents should NOT put you "badly in debt". You then waste more money in interest, paying off the debt, than either of you use.
Now you have given her the money - does she always use it wisely ? Does she really need it more than you do ?
They should be getting social welfare grants if they are genuinely unable to work, and checking what charitable aid they could get, rather than just sitting expecting you to go into debt to pay for them. And if they cannot afford to support themselves, of course they should not have continued to have more children they cannot afford - but now they should seek help from child welfare and other sources, to care for the kids. The dept of education surely can deal with the school fees problem if the family genuinely can't aford the fees, and should be able to help with school feeding, too.
If your mother really has serious health problems, she should be able to speak to a social worker and again get some sort of assistance. If your father has health problems but refuses to get treated, then his inability to work is perhaps his own fault.
I suspect that you won't argue him out of his waped idea that you must slave to provide for him - but if he had no money for himself ( and does he spend on alcohol or cigarettes, too ? ) he might find it worthwhile to change his views abour treatment and about work.
YOu cannot sacrifice your life to caring for them, especially if they are not actively working the best they can and if they are ignoring other sources of assistance.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Lucy | 2011-03-09

You stupid sod!
Any person reading that could clearly determine that my spelling was due to my typing speed.Like it has never happened to you before.
I''m glad you stopped reading because it actually was not meant for you to read in the first place. FYI it was meant for CS.

Are you an idiot or do you just feel like one?
Get a life-|-hole!

Reply to Lucy
Posted by: GuiltyAsSin | 2011-03-08

This is where I stopped reading: -

" I fele really guilty!" 

Granted it was at the very beginning but if you cant even spell the primary reason for you waking up in the morning (NO thats not a compliment just a comment on what motivates you) then why should i read anymore.

I fele like I should hunt you down and eat you. Do you fele you know anyone who could stop me?

Reply to GuiltyAsSin
Posted by: Liza | 2011-03-08

Learn how to say no. Yes you don''t want to stop because of the little ones, but why give money? Why not give food etc instead? Since they''re unemployed, they should also have applied at the school for a school fee subsidy. If they haven''t, that isn''t your problem. So stop paying school fees - there is no reason why you should. Does your mother receive a disability pension? If she doesn''t and she is really too ill to work, she should go sit her butt in the queue at social services and apply for a disability pension.

Family who sponge on others like this usually are just too comfortable in their current lifestyle to change and start helping themselves. You''ve allowed them to ruin your finances and this has got to change. Put yourself first. Stop sharing any financial windfalls or even news of any windfalls with these parasites. They have no need to know anything about your finances.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-03-08

Why would you HAVE to give half to your mother ? Maybe it has been your custom, and hers, to usually give her money - but you should only give what you can afford, and she should herself work, or seek a welfare grant, or otherwise support herself rather than relying entirely on herself. Your parents should NOT put you "badly in debt". You then waste more money in interest, paying off the debt, than either of you use.
Now you have given her the money - does she always use it wisely ? Does she really need it more than you do ?
They should be getting social welfare grants if they are genuinely unable to work, and checking what charitable aid they could get, rather than just sitting expecting you to go into debt to pay for them. And if they cannot afford to support themselves, of course they should not have continued to have more children they cannot afford - but now they should seek help from child welfare and other sources, to care for the kids. The dept of education surely can deal with the school fees problem if the family genuinely can't aford the fees, and should be able to help with school feeding, too.
If your mother really has serious health problems, she should be able to speak to a social worker and again get some sort of assistance. If your father has health problems but refuses to get treated, then his inability to work is perhaps his own fault.
I suspect that you won't argue him out of his waped idea that you must slave to provide for him - but if he had no money for himself ( and does he spend on alcohol or cigarettes, too ? ) he might find it worthwhile to change his views abour treatment and about work.
YOu cannot sacrifice your life to caring for them, especially if they are not actively working the best they can and if they are ignoring other sources of assistance.

Reply to cybershrink

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