Our expert says:
Terrible mothers and parents very rarely imagine that they even might be terrible mothers and parents. Its unfortunate when a kid gives in to peer pressure and starts smoking, as in the long term it will of course be very damaging to their health.
If you believe ( and indeed it is often so ) that they saw and imitated you when seeing you drink and smoke, they could also notice and imitate you when you give up smoking and excess drinking.
You say you're open with them, good. Chat about how you feel really stup[id for what you used to do, and worry that they might be influenced to make the same mistakes you made.
Blaming yourself isn't useful for anyone, and for your husband to blame you is even worse than useless.
As Maria says, with the one who is battling at school there could be very many different reasons. Explore, chat with teachers, maybe get an assessment from a child psychologist - find out WHY. Sometimes its as simple as the kid needing glasses, sometimes its more complex. Again, blame helps nobody.
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