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Question
Posted by: victoria | 2011/05/17

Grief

I lost my beautiful sister and brother in law 2-1/2yrs ago in a car accident, I suffered severe post traumatic stress, I have been in a place that I never want to be again. A few months back I have chosen not to speak, think about them to anyone including family, I have chosen to block it rather out, althou I know that I will die with a hole in my heart.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Post traumaric stress doesn't exist at all. You surely were deeply distressed, and may have experienced a difficult grief. Possibly, if it was diagnosed properly by a properly trained shrink, you might have developed Post Traumatic Stress DISORDER, PTSD. Whatever the diagnosis, it must have been a terrible time for you. But it isn't necessary to live with a "hole in the heart" as you say - see a good pychologist / counsellor with experience in helping people work through grief, and you can work through this ( grief work is indeed hard work ) and become able to remember them with joy for all that was good about them, rather than bitterly for the fact that they were lost to you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/18

Post traumaric stress doesn't exist at all. You surely were deeply distressed, and may have experienced a difficult grief. Possibly, if it was diagnosed properly by a properly trained shrink, you might have developed Post Traumatic Stress DISORDER, PTSD. Whatever the diagnosis, it must have been a terrible time for you. But it isn't necessary to live with a "hole in the heart" as you say - see a good pychologist / counsellor with experience in helping people work through grief, and you can work through this ( grief work is indeed hard work ) and become able to remember them with joy for all that was good about them, rather than bitterly for the fact that they were lost to you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Memory | 2011/05/17

You should really read Ecclesiatics Chapter 7 .... " the day of death is better than the day of birth."  As humans, we are capable of empathy and this is our downfall. We feel strongly for those we love and unfortunately, in life we question the what - ifs? We cannot turn back time... we cannot erase bad memories and we must NEVER forget the good memories either. I am sure, your sister would want you to be celebrating your life...we do not get a second chance at it... There are many things worth celebrating...one ...you are alive. Never question why. Our paths are laid out, long before we begin to walk them. You sound as if you have fallen into an abyss... only you can make the change by climbing out of it. Keep the memory of your sister alive... think back to when you were kids... the pranks you played...when you covered for each other when the one was in trouble...tell your family.. I remember that she used to... You have to analyse your emotions, then process them...and the only why that you are going to feel better is to open up... even if you keep a diary and you write to your sister... " speaking"  to her, telling her of your day... The whole in your heart will never heal completely... but with time, somehow it will make it bearable. I will pray for you. I have also lost someone close to me...and it haunts me to my bones... It has been 11 years.... but I carry one. Life is for the living.

Reply to Memory

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