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Question
Posted by: Concerned | 2012/05/24

Great loss

My best friend was adopted and raised by her grandmother and had no contact/relationship with her mother. She recently passed away and quite unexpectantly she is going through a rollercoaster of emotions from utter despair to absolute hatred and has shut everybody out even being rude. I so desperately want to be there for her but she asked to be left alone and although I have given her space I feel helpless as I know she is in need of help. What do I do????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I mentioned in responding to the neighbouring question, grief is hard work. In the situation you describe you seem to be saying that your friend lost her grandmother recently, and especially in the early weeks and months, grief can be turbulent and mixed up. IF she doesn't at present want to talk with anyone, we have to respect that. By indicating that you care, and that you will be available if and when she needs you and asks for you, you have probably done all you can. This IS "being there for her". By not pressing yourself on her you may make it easier for her to call on you when she recognizes, as you already do, that she needs and deserves help.
IF there are opportunities for neutral contacts ( i/e. not specifically about the grief ) those can be useful just to keep in touch to invite her to gathering your usually would invite her to, and not be too upset if she doesn't choose to come.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Concerned | 2012/05/26

My apologies I didn''t express myself very clear - it''s actually her estranged mother that passed away. The anger she has towards her mother for abandoning her is very concerning. In actual fact she thought that when her mother dies she will not have any emotions as its basically a stranger to her but now the intense emotions/anger she''s going through has taken her by surprise. I guess the reason why she is shutting everyone out is because she is so confused. Do you agree that she needs to go for professional help as this rejection by her mom and not having her in her life is deep routed?

Reply to Concerned
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/26

As I mentioned in responding to the neighbouring question, grief is hard work. In the situation you describe you seem to be saying that your friend lost her grandmother recently, and especially in the early weeks and months, grief can be turbulent and mixed up. IF she doesn't at present want to talk with anyone, we have to respect that. By indicating that you care, and that you will be available if and when she needs you and asks for you, you have probably done all you can. This IS "being there for her". By not pressing yourself on her you may make it easier for her to call on you when she recognizes, as you already do, that she needs and deserves help.
IF there are opportunities for neutral contacts ( i/e. not specifically about the grief ) those can be useful just to keep in touch to invite her to gathering your usually would invite her to, and not be too upset if she doesn't choose to come.

Reply to cybershrink

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