Our expert says:
Neither unnatural nor abnormal to feel hurt ; maybe not accurate in assuming that hurt was intended. From what you say, it sounds as though, for whatever reasons, the parents decided to have 2 events, one presumably mainly a children's party, and one for adults ? Some adults love the children, but don't enjoy a kids party with larger numbers of other people's kids running around scraming. Many pleasant families I know, have only a children's party, to which they don't usually invite grandparents, and maybe just a simple family get together with grandparents and other adult relatives separately.
I understand that the other granny is onvolved, but, especially if she lives nearby, or maybe just because the's the mother's mom and they think alike about catering and arrangements, its quite believable that she is involved as a worker rather than someone celebrated in her own right.
If this is how that family chooses to handle kids birthdays, that is indeed their prerogative - and maybe they don't tell you about the dates because they think this is more likely to upset you ?
I hope you do go to the "adult" party and spend enjoyable time with your grandchildren. Maybe ask the parents if there can be another small cake and candles for you all to enjoy at this second party ?
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