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Question
Posted by: vixen | 2012-11-09

got married

I was involved with a guy for about a year and a half and now he''s married. I am very happy with my current partner, we have kids together, I love them to pieces. My ex and I used to have the same circle of friends and he was involved with his current wife at that time. we were not involved then, we only started seeing each other after they broke up. He then told me that she wants to see him and talk about things and he asked me if he should go and meet her. I said yes as I do know that they have a history together. He did not tell me that, that night they reconciled. We continued seeing each other, I did not know that they were back together, until he told me the whole story and that he was getting married.We stopped seeing each other, I was heartbroken. That was that, and I moved on.A year later he sent me a message on facebook asking me how I am doing and that he has left the country with his wife, also asking if i was on whatsapp, does this mean that he wanted to keep in contact with me. I am not in contact with him at all now, I am very happy with my new life. I love my partner and kids very much. I do sometimes wonder what could have been if we had stayed together, is this normal from my side. I wish him only the best

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Try as we may, we just can't live life backwards, and unlike some computer games, we can't "save" a position and then go back and try again with some different tactic, and see which works out better. Often, the road we didn't choose feels like it might have been happier, just because we never tried it and so never experienced it going awfully wrong.
Sometimes, after some years one looks back warmly on people we used to know, and would enjoy some friendly contact now there are so many easy ways to do so, without this necessarily emaning there was some grand love in the past.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012-11-09

There are an infinite number of possible routes our lives can take, and the routes we end up following are determined (at least partially) by decisions - our own and other people''s. I think it''s quite normal to sometimes reflect on how life might have been different under other circumstances as long as you are not obsessed by it and it isn''t a sign of things that are wrong in your relationship. I think you did the right thing in not keeping contact, as that might have stopped you from moving on and finding someone to be happy and raise kids with.

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