Our expert says:
The average frequency for sexual activity in a long term relationship is 1ce or 2ce a week, so you are pretty 'normal' as a couple - but this doesn't necessarily help much does it? Let me explain further...
It is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'.
In addition to these changes (which are nobody's fault), there may be other changes in your life that means that your libido has taken even a bigger knock. In your case, tiredness, prioritising couple time when you're dealing with young children, financial stress... Not only do you need to try to reduce stress & get whatever rest/relaxation you can, it is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the relationship - it's important to give and receive feedback about how both of you feel/anything you'd like to improve (e.g. sharing roles in the house, etc).
When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It would be unreasonable for him to expect you to operate like him - perhaps try to explain to him in non-sexual terms (e.g. "How would you feel if I always tried to make you eat with me if you weren't hungry but I was? Sometimes you might be able to, sometimes you just can't. This is similar to my sexual appetite").
There is no documented evidence ever of a man dying due to sexual frustration, so don't die in a ditch over saying no, he can handle it, but you might wish to choose to be sexual sometimes to meet some of his needs, and if you direct him to do things which please you, you might notice that desire emerges once you have become aroused.
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