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Question
Posted by: liza | 2010/03/12

gone cold in heart for husband

i am married almost 5 years now and our son is 4 months old. ever since our son was born i have lost all interest in my husband, not only in sex but everything. i don''t like kissing him and if he touches me, and if he tries to find comfort by me i reject him. I know i am hurting him but i cant help it. everthing he does irritates me. he has been a momma''s boy since i''ve met him, but since our son was born, we are fighting constantly about our parents on both sides. his parents are not contributing anything towards their grandchild, yet want to push their advice down my throat, while my parents are constantly helping us in every aspect. is there something i can do to save my marraige? i am at a point where I don''t care if i even divorce him. but i know my son needs his father. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

When someone complains of loss of interest in sex SINCE a birth, it may be related to gynae problems which make intercourse more uncomfortable or even painful than it previously was ; or i may be that one is nervous about a further pregnancy and can resme enjoyment once contraceptuion is properly planned ; or it may be, as Maria points out, PND, Post-Natal Depression, which quite often follows the hormonal turmoil of pregnancy and childbirth.
And because you describe a broader loss of interest in "everything" this seems more likely, as it sounds like the pleasure-loss, the "anhedonia" typical of a depression. And depression, like anxiety, tends to reduce your ability to tolerate or cope with, situations you previously managed fine.
DO see a shrink for an assessment as if you have PND, it generally responds well to treatment and this would have you feeling much better ; and then consider whether marriage counselling could enhance the mariage to a degree you might then welcome, or at least enable you to make a more carefully considered decision about possible separation

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/03/12

Reading your story 2 things come to mind. The first is that you might very well be suffering from PND, please see your doctor for an assessment. The second is that a baby places a marriage under incredible pressure, and issues that could be dealt with half heartedly in the past will now become much more important. Please don''t give up on your marriage. Go for counselling, separately and together, and try to find some middle ground which both of you can be comfortable with. This might imply that he must be more assertive with his family, but you need to learn to just let some things go. Take care.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/12

When someone complains of loss of interest in sex SINCE a birth, it may be related to gynae problems which make intercourse more uncomfortable or even painful than it previously was ; or i may be that one is nervous about a further pregnancy and can resme enjoyment once contraceptuion is properly planned ; or it may be, as Maria points out, PND, Post-Natal Depression, which quite often follows the hormonal turmoil of pregnancy and childbirth.
And because you describe a broader loss of interest in "everything" this seems more likely, as it sounds like the pleasure-loss, the "anhedonia" typical of a depression. And depression, like anxiety, tends to reduce your ability to tolerate or cope with, situations you previously managed fine.
DO see a shrink for an assessment as if you have PND, it generally responds well to treatment and this would have you feeling much better ; and then consider whether marriage counselling could enhance the mariage to a degree you might then welcome, or at least enable you to make a more carefully considered decision about possible separation

Reply to cybershrink

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